Summer summer summer

Hiccup!

Summer's here. First up, some feelings - THEN, actual things.

With the withdrawal of the rains, this summer has quickly become daunting, having put financial pressure on myself based on some imaginary 'success scale'. Not having the friendships I did even a summer ago, city life remains a little too lonely. Landing a new job seems a mountain yet to be scaled, the job hunt never ending. Hopefully something will come a long soon. And as I begin eliminating things in my routine that truly remove any "will-to-live" from my brain, this summer may turn out to be bright.

The past year, amidst other things, has made me become overly-wary of myself. I don't enjoy this so much. Not that I've ever been particularly foot-loose and fancy-free, but it's just a heightened sense of personal lame-ness. Fearing I'm not interesting enough, not persistent enough. Fearing I've become a little too callous or a little too fragile.  Wondering, quite constantly, why various individuals don't have any respect for me, or don't want to do something on the weekend, or what have you. It seems, more than any other force, I've become my own self-deprecating, neurotic enemy. High five!

A note on something I've discovered about respect. Prior to now, it never really came across as something important to me, maybe because for most of my existence I have been used to an environment where it is abundant and evenly distributed. This year it's become a liability. Through trial-and-error, I have discovered that someone who doesn't have respect for me can't simultaneously be a friend. It was difficult prescribing what was wrong with some relationships these past semesters, but aye, there's the rub. 'Friends' has become a very "high school" word. Now it's more like 'relationships', as every person I meet seems to have some sort of puzzle that needs to be cracked before we can have a reasonable conversation - and even then, that doesn't really mean anything. People are waffle-y, I'm waffle-y. It makes for strange, temporary and confusing acquaintances. My dad's infernal wisdom, "use your words," has never been more applicable.

In lighter, less whiny news - the semester's over at last, screening and all. The Grad screenings were stupendous, and let's say I feel very privileged to be in cahoots with some of these fine, creatively inclined and talented individuals. Second year, with all of it's... things, put me on a lot of sets and gave me opportunities to make impressions, friends and subsequent connections. I think it was one of the more successful repercussions of the year. I think third year's going to be a riot.  Although, I think I made the same extrapolation going into second year - but a lot's changed.

I've started gardening. I went a little crazy with it, and I guess it will be my surrogate 'something else to do all summer' project. Potatoes, carrots, peas, beans, radishes, broccoli, zucchini, cucumber, strawberries, cantaloupe, tomatoes, peppers, a variety of lettuces - the works. I had an alright crop with one raised bed last year and a late start. This year I've got four raised beds and a whole yard and an early start. It will afford it's own frustrations, I'm sure, but I hope it's going to be remarkably rewarding once it gets going.

One of two drawers brimming with DV tapes

Last summer, before things got weird, I pledged that I'd make a bunch of films on my own. Seeing as how none of those came to any sort of fruition whatsoever, I thought I'd take up the charge again, and see if I can be less estranged from my career path for these four months. I've been thinking about what I can do with a minimal contingency of beings while working full time. I've still got some things to tie up for the Alberta Federation of Shooting Sports project I've had on my plate for some time, and I also recently met with the fellows from Freyberg media to do some intern camera work with them. Other than that, the gears are turning, really. I was thinking the other day of a sort of 'found footage' documentary, based in the boxes (no, literally, boxes) of DV tapes that I've accumulated these past eight or nine years. Editing challenge #1! Yes. Perhaps an attempt to make something worth-while out of something very nostalgic. I started capturing tapes the other day. I haven't touched any of this footage since high school.

Empire's top 500, 2008

I think I also took up the charge to finally get through Empire's top 500 films last summer. Another unfinished goal for myself. I think I'm going to try to tack this project on to the summer as well. I've had this magazine issue since 2008. I've seen a large number of them, but I think it would be great to just push myself and get the rest of those generally accepted 'greats' seen and digested by the time third year rolls around. I most recently watched Amores Perros (2000), Ben-Hur (1959) and Scream (1996) for the first time. 

Anyways, this week is going to be filled with work and me facing my fear of teaching myself how to use a weed eater/lawn mower. So next time I blog, I may be writing to you from a hospital bed with missing appendages. Huzzah.

Cheers, happy summer. I hope the season awards you with many-a beverage on the patio.