Forty eight hundred feet's worth of tiny pictures!

Well folks, seems all that hard work paid off - all 4800 feet of the film came back just fine and dandy.

Fuji 160T

Delivered in boxes that suspiciously look like they should be housing pizza, the negative smells of that old, familiar celluloid. I rediscover how much I miss having a hard copy of the things I shoot. A mishandled SD or Red card can mean you've lost your day. But, I suppose the downside is, I'll be hauling this processed footage around for the rest of my days. 

It was recently delivered to one of my two editors - who will sync up the sound and produce the assembly cut of the film. I only skimmed the footage when it came back to me - so I really look forward to seeing it in some sort of order and with sound. It will then be delivered to my second editor, who will take it through to fine cut.

Kodak 500T

Seeing 16mm footage makes me just feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. After a couple years of seeing rushes from the Red Scarlett and Epic, I just sink in to the grain, and the softness of the image. It's the bean bag chair of cinema mediums. I shot the film on four stocks, mostly because I could, and just seeing how those four stocks reacted to colour... it just makes me love the medium (even more!). I was having major buyers remorse in the time between when the film left Seattle and arrived here. The process and transfer costs ran almost twice what I had budgeted - which amounts to a lot of money. But seeing what we accomplished on celluloid was definitely reward enough, even for a mountain of money that I don't have.

Over the past couple weeks, I have plunged head first into the world of stop-motion animation. Part of me is absolutely falling in love with the process (which will make falling out of love when I go to actually do it all the more... explosive) and the other part of me is feeling completely refreshed at just this new body of names, history, and knowledge. Maybe it's because I've spend six years in film school and I'm tired of those same old names popping up - but it's nice to not sigh and say 'ugh, not him again'. I've been reading through an absolutely incredible book called The Advanced Art of Stop-Motion Animation by Ken A. Priebe, and have another little pile of books to leaf through after that. Going through stop-motion's history is a weird combination of technological track backs, cultural history, and the ebb and flow of the film industry itself. I'm absolutely revelling in it - and it's nice to be interested in a topic I'm actually doing in school. But I guess it's a topic I picked... and I'm basically paying to research things on my own time... but shh.

Kodak 250D

I've got a pile of things prepared for next week when I go to put the puppet of Tinder together. I keep thinking its going to be a breeze, but deep down, I know it's going to be a bit of a fight. I keep wanting to set aside my studying this week to do some sculpting and sewing, but that tiny part of my brain that is actually responsible keeps pulling me back in front of my textbooks, even if the rest of me is sort of completely unenthused.

All mixed in with this, I've been piecing together little press kits about my last two digital short films, 'My Favourite Things' and 'A Spoonful of Sugar'. I'm continuing to feel out the festival distribution routes, and these two films are sort of providing me with two different kinds of guinea pigs to see what's up. 'My Favourite Things' is now online and available for viewing on Vimeo.

Rest assured, I have like... three other blog posts started about a bunch of futile feelings I have concerning a lot of large-question, not-a-lot-of-answer problems that I seem to be painfully mulling over these days. I picked up a book earlier this month thinking it was about how wonderful whales are, but it ended up being more about the horrors of the whaling industry - which all week has spun me in that familiar arc of that frustrating environmentalist loop. I've also been experiencing something I'm sure there's a term for, but can't quite put my finger on it - it's a large-and-in-charge disappointment with popular culture. I guarantee that's going to be a rambling post you can all look forward to.

Fuji 64D

So, back to 'My Old Flame', that working title that's starting to stick - thank you - again - to my cast, my crew, my family, proofreaders, location volunteers, supporters, rental houses, believers(?). We had a great shoot, I can now definitively say since there are pictures on the celluloid for sure. Now the next steps can finally start, we can start tentatively jogging to the finish line somewhere in the distance. A screening location will soon be secured - and rest assured I will bother you all about being there from now until May 2014. So prepare yourselves for that.

And I listen to the irritating fireworks that go off every three minutes here in East Van, I am wishing you all a safe and happy Halloween!

Things to look at:

I started a Facebook page for my film 'company' - become a fan! See some things! (Also, tweet? Tumblr?)

Joel's film 'Buttfuck Nowhere' is on the NSI!
Check out Girls with Swords and the Kickstarter that launched
Feminist Frequency - be sure to check out the Tropes vs Women series they've got
And if you want more rage, check out Not in the Kitchen Anymore

The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows
I'm really excited about Hyper Light Drifter

Remember, everybody's got a thing

Salutations, autumnal breeze.

And by autumnal breeze, I mean raindrops both large and cold.

“The thing is you have to fight the whole time. You can’t stop. Otherwise you just end up somewhere, bobbing in the middle of a life you never wanted.”

—	Alexander Maksik, You Deserve Nothing

While I sit patiently waiting for my film to return to me from it's trip to Seattle, I would like to talk briefly about all of these 'Generation Y' articles that seem to go through fits and spurts of straight up bothering me on all social media fronts. Even last year they lured me in with their apathetic temptations. Every time I read one of these (or, pretty much any article from the Thought Catalog) I feel conflicted. The internal conversation always went something like, 'sure, sure yeah, I can sort of relate, I guess,' followed by an uncomfortable silence in which I would try to figure out why this article even mattered. Why I felt so troubled about these articles wasn't ever inherently clear to me - they were just frustrating to read. Generalizing problems through such vague and blanketing terms, their fates seemed similar to that of the astrology column of your local newspaper. Bitching about being a twenty-something now seems to be the 'it' thing to do. Not offering up any solutions, nor questions that we can work towards an answer. Everyone says we're lost, doing not enough of one thing (sex/drugs/rock and roll), not enough of another (sex/drugs/rock and roll). 

I would like to offer you this counter article in Contenders Magazine written by the affable Alex Caulfield: 100 Things that Prove You're an Asshole - seek out the original article if you wish, but I did, and I was faced with immediate regret.

I'm finding articles on the internet more and more irrelevant and frivolous as ever. A lot of things circulated around the blogosphere are just plain irresponsible. And there's just so much of it. I can't take much at face value because the internet is full of trolls and hoaxes.

The problem with a lot of these Gen-Y/nutburger articles is trying to pin blame on things.  And then, while my eyes are open to all that blame-slinging, I see so much more! When I was home in August, I had my two time-a-year access to satellite TV, and the 24 hour news cycle (and Guy Fieri marathons, who are we even kidding). All I was able to see on the news is people trying to blame things on other people. Yes, so this happened - who can we blame? Some parents in the United States are still trying to get John Green's books banned - let's blame a young adult fiction writer for exposing things to our children that we haven't been able to explain to them because there is no way the real world will ever effect them in any way. Your kid fell off a jungle gym - the obvious solution is, apparently, to label the playground as 'dangerous' and berate whoever is in charge to dismantle it or you'll sue. So your kids aren't getting good grades in high school - obviously, the solution is to blame the teacher's ineptitude while your kid learns nothing of value, not from school, and not from you. The winner these days is never the good guy, it's whoever gets away scott-free. It seems that the one who slings the most slander becomes saintly.

And becoming aware of this common string - I am rather aware now of how I utilize blame in my own day-to-day activities. It takes a lot to change your own perspective in life, a lot of the time it's easier to remain the same, remain ignorant, remain blind. The more positively-inclined teachers at my high school made it abundantly clear to me back in the day, that change begins with one person. This meant something to me when I was in my teens (it mostly had to do with recycling), but it means something slightly different to me now. 'Be the change you want to see' is this rope I hang onto above a deep, dark pool of all of the big, unfortunate problems that plague humanity. If you look down for too long, it gets really depressing. I mean, those are some large-and-in-charge problems. But that rope is what you've got. So, hand over hand, you've got to climb. At a certain point, you resign to the fact you'll be climbing for the rest of your days, so you climb. My climb begins - on an infinitesimal scale - I'm weirded out with people not making any eye contact in my neighbourhood. So I've started making eye contact with like... everyone. Whether it's little things, big things, or everything, take it and do your best to fix it, even if no body else is giving it a try.

Okay, and here's one more thing, here's a new pet peeve I have. In fact, it's become a big, snarling pet peeve. It might have something to do with that big, dark pool previously stated. See, for a long time, I haven't known what I wanted in the short to long term. In the past two or three years, I've been figuring those things out. It's sort of like feeling your way across a snow-crusted glacier. That shit's scary. But if you survive, you learn, and off you go to another glacier. I've been figuring out what I value, what I need to get to where I've got to go. While I was figuring those things out - it was common place to sort of get stepped on. After getting stepped on one too many times, however, that lesson's been (finally) learned. And upon presenting someone new with a list of things that are, to me, common sense - I was met with abject back-pedalling. The first time I was able to call someone out, they tried to weasel out of it by saying I was wrong. Naturally, I was hurt, but the hurt was so temporary. Because I knew I was in the right. It was so magnificently empowering - hell, I might just need to do if more often.

Respect isn't even something to be earned, it's something you've got to demand. Sometimes you literally have to shake it out of other people, or leave them behind. I don't even know.

Here's to a self-imposed ban on letting people walk all over me.

Anyways.

My film was shipped last Monday. I await for it's return, and with it, all sorts of truths. When it comes back, that box will be either filled with a great deal of worth, or none at all. It's driving me bananas. Bananas, I say!

It's been a weird month back in Vancouver. I feel I'm behind in all aspects of things. Really feeling the rain, and we've only gotten a toe into fall.

Is there strength in solitude? Perhaps.

Probably old news, but you all should probably read Markus Zusak's The Book Thief.

Oh, and the photos in this post are ones I took in August in Canmore - trying out Lomography's colour 800 speed 35mm still film. So good, so vibrant, very versatile. I pretty much just love Lomography. So. There.

Happy rain, everyone!

Things to look at!

I've got to recommend the Netflix original series Orange is the New Black
Jaeger Designer - I don't even care, this was a fun ten minutes of my life
Dating Tips for the Feminist Man - a good read for everyone, regardless of gender or sexuality
Canadian Frame(lines) is raising money for yet another project of super-ambition!
VIFF is in town! The most wonderful time of the year, second only to Christmas!
And while at VIFF, I saw Jessica Oreck's new documentary Aatsinki - she's a very cool lady who does very cool projects (like this one) - there is also a super interactive website they've done up called The Aatsinki Season
Be sure to check out Plastic, a short film by Sandy Widyanata about body image

To be great.

Like that cinematography post I did a while back, here's another post on things I'm probably not qualified to talk about, or capable of thinking through the whole way. But whatever. I've been sitting on this one for a while, and it's become a bunch of different things. So many picture-less, rambling posts these days!

Something I wonder about frequently is one's ability to become great. Then I get all tangled up in what it means to be great, who I view to be great, why, and what the hell that all means.

Coming to.

I found a quote I rather enjoyed today, I have a feeling it will encompass the coming year:

“…throw roses into the abyss and say: ‘here is my thanks to the monster who didn’t succeed in swallowing me alive.’”

-	Friedrich Nietzsche

Then I picture that monster as some sort of Kaiju, then I feel pretty cool. Like walking away from an explosion in slow motion.

And here's a post filled with weird brain eddies, et cetera.

It's been a week or two of quiet contemplation, for sure. Sitting on the unprocessed footage of 'My Old Flame' has me in a right state of perma-panic, but that's alright? Probably? It's burning holes in my stomach lining, but here's hoping it'll all be worth it.

Every so often, this thing occurs: That blinking into the light moment after you have seen or read something that rings so rightly with you. It's like coming a step closer to a version of yourself that demonstrates some semblance of completion. It's happened a couple times with things I have read or seen in the past little while. It's liberating to know a piece of literature or a film can still change how you think in such profound ways - it reminds me just how mailable our lives our, and the possibilities that spawn from that.

Along that same vein of consciousness; this week, I've spent some time looking at my weaknesses and evaluating them along with my strengths. The mind's capable of a universe of thoughts - it's nice to be reminded every now and again of what you're actually capable of. Which, give or take, a whole universe of things. It's especially important to remember when you feel a little pinned down by routine and general responsibility. This last year of school already has me in a box. I've been at it so long, it's hard to imagine what life's going to be like when I get 'out'.

The game here is learning control, funnelling growth into the proper avenues. Even when the grind of school is in it's sixth year of... grinding.

I say this every year, and every year the inkling gets a little more... intense. I used to write, I used to write a lot. Not scripts - but stories. They were vast and took me on journeys that I have yet to forget. I have a feeling that this year is a good year to remember that I can write - maybe not critical essays on Arabic cinema, but tall tales. Upon putting pen to paper, I find that I am immediately overwhelmed with the possibilities (and impossibilities) of a whole, completed project - which never used to happen. I would sit down in front of a notebook, and, without an ending in mind, just take these characters through their lives. The end happened when it felt I could make it happen - the end wasn't a means to an end - if that makes sense. But hopefully I can get over this irritating snag and just start freehanding some things that bring some of that ability back.

The semester's now two weeks in. Summer hasn't left yet - which has made the start to my 'fall' confused, humid, and always a little too warm. I find myself pining for cooler days, sweaters, electric blankets, and spicy hot beverages.

However, I'm sure those days will arrive, and I will pine for the sun. The grass is always greener.

I hope everyone has had a constructive start to their semesters!

Things to check out:

FrAcTured is a Fringe festival performance starring the astounding Rachelle Tomm! Check it out! There are only a couple of performances left! I've got my ticket for Friday!

Have you seen NBC's Hannibal, yet? Ho-ly crap.

Everything will probably be fine.

Well, we did it. With the generous help of some superb individuals, principal photography on 'My Old Flame' is complete! This week has been a whirl of things that are the opposite of vacationing, but I guess I can vacation when I am dead. After wrapping last Sunday, seeing my Vancouver and Edmonton crew off, and dropping gear back to Calgary on Monday - I shot a series of promotional videos in Canmore for three businesses, took my drivers test (passed, having only had an inking of how to parallel park for about 12 hours), and got home Saturday morning to a city that feels vacant, and yet, is absolutely brimming with noise.

We had a great cast - composed of Rachelle Tomm, Joe Morris, Chelsea Restall, and Joanne Hope.  All wonderful to work with, able to look beyond their lines and right into their character. Plus, our dynamite crew - Daniel Jeffery (assistant director), Christian Lai (gaffer), Nataliya Fedulova (production designer), Justin Madsen (sound), Lauren Tamke (camera assistant), and Amy Diedrich (hair and make-up). We also had some help from Robert - and for our overnight shoot at Café Books - we had the generous super-help of Joy Mclean, Jocey Asnong, and Jasmin Nadeau.

Plus, support from Amanda Suhan, Sandra Wheeler, Sue Girard, Rheanna Toy, Joel Salaysay - and of course, mom and dad - who housed and catered the entire affair, much to their collective horrors. Numerous thanks as well to Panavision, William F Whites, Clairmont Camera, and FAVA.

It's really hard communicating the size of  film set when you're about to move into a location. The people and the gear are always more than they expect. It was even a surprise for my parents, who were slightly overwhelmed by the number of things in their kitchen. Thankfully, we weren't in any space too long, and we had people with decent amount of patience on your side. I made sure we were fully insured, I laid out everything clearly to all of the locations involved. My typical 65% organized was up at about 90%, and that's nice when that happens. I do think it was a success. We got everything done with ample time, everyone was happy (I think), and it's always nice dealing with film. We had only one unloading issue, and one camera trouble shooting issue - which was promptly solved by me throwing batteries around. We cool.

Things I have (re)learned:

1. For the love of god, always ask questions, questions do not hurt

2. Get a crew you like, and who can get a long with each other, especially when the project is on your dime - that one person who's not on the ball can drag the whole thing around

3. It's tough, but you've got to lead a stress example, the moment you become stressed is the moment everyone else becomes stressed and things get messy
4. If your film spaghettis in the change bag, don't panic, even if it turns in a horrible, knotted monster - somewhere there is a beginning of that roll, and an end
5. If you can, get more gear than you need - I supplied my crew with tons of most things, why? Because on a lot of sets I've worked on, there is a lack of one thing that makes everything slog along - whether it's something as inconsequential as tape, clothespins, sandbags - or things like food, drink, and dry socks
6. Stick to your guns - if your vision butts up against an obstacle on set, push right on through - that vision is what will keep this thing together in the end
7. Repeat the mantra: everything will probably be fine

Thank you, everyone - for your ongoing support, your hard work, and your standard of excellence that helped push this production forward!

In this lull that is pre-post-production, and after my relocation to Vancouver - it hardly feels it happened it all. The only telling factor is a stack of 14 rolls of film sitting in my house that wasn't there previously, and a duffel bag in the middle of the kitchen that I am too lazy to unpack. The sooner I can get that film developed, the sooner I can feel like something was accomplished (I mean, something other than a fun shoot). The next steps for me concern a stop motion character who I wrote in (and shot very... unorthodox plates for). The research phase will be a little longer, as he will be a fully articulate figure. I'll be sure to post updates as those arise. 

After an evening of Whistler grapefruit ale on Saturday, and a morning brunch at Thyme to Indulge on Sunday, yesterday was my half day of holiday before getting back into the thick of things. School starts today - it will be an intrepid year of strange things. It feels like there's a bit of a storm on the horizon, but it isn't very clear. There are tons of shoots, and I'm very pleased to be crewing on many of them.

After such a strange, stress-saturated summer, I'm feeling ready, these days, for the cool, sweater-weather of fall. Though, with some bitterness, as I felt I have squandered these summer months in editing suites and not doing anything outdoorsy at all. I picked up some spicy Camino hot chocolate today, so when that damp chilly snap comes, warming beverage and alpaca hair sweaters are in arms reach.

Great news! My fall 2012 film, My Favourite Things, has been selected for the second annual Canadian Young Actors Film Festival! Tickets are $10 for the Gala and Awards on September 21st! More information here! This is the first of my films to be accepted into a festival - I'm super proud of my cast - Eliana, Tytan, and Dawson - pleased as pie! Thank you, as well, to my crew, classmates, and supporters!

Things to look at!

Human Town! A webseries I key gripped on for a few days, produced, in part, by a bunch of SFU grads - it's dark and wonderful, check it out, throw them some support!

Check out SFU grad, Graeme Achurch's film, The Rat on the Contender's Magazine blog!

Chelsea, who played the role of Teddy in 'My Old Flame' also has a blog! Check her out - notes about acting, writing, and life in general

Pop culture ice cream.

One of my favorite Tumblr, second only to Gene Kelly's Butt.

A reminder: Astronaut's advice

Nearing the end of preproduction...

Also known as the most anxiety ridden/wonderful time of the year!

When all of those pieces start to come together - and all that stress and worry and hard work has actually culminated into something - that's what's special. When it rains, it pours - and this film was no exception to that strange phenomenon. After stressing about crewing this film (oh, since... say... February), suddenly I am awash with help - from studio space, to people's time, to 'anything you need'. It's fantastic.

Sitting back yesterday, I realized that all of my logistics - after fighting with them for a month or two - are now organically coming together. With my assistant director, and production designer on board, I can now delegate some of the more tedious tasks to others and concentrate on getting the script in shape, and getting the visuals under control.

After casting, the script has become a different animal - and it has been much easier to revise. Knowing my budget/locations/scheduling limits help me form details around things. I know that isn't the proper approach - but going from 'the sky's the limit' in those first few drafts, for me, pairing it down to what is possible is a healthier progression coming into these final drafts.

Something I'm finding this time around, is that I don't actually mind writing, directing, and producing. But I think, in the long run, a career of cinematography with a side-hobby of directing would be the ideal. Even doing a bit of directing during casting reminded me that, somewhere inside my shy person, is a person who can actually talk to people, and more often than not, give generous and constructive feedback. This is something I frequently forget in classroom and workplace environments.

With generous help from Amanda Suhan, Sandra Wheeler, Theatre Alberta, ACTRA Alberta, Calgary Arts Development, William F. White, Panavision, FAVA, Clairmont Camera, and - of course - mom and dad, the production's making a nice transition from preproduction, right into the mighty nitty-gritty. 

It's time to be come best friends with film stock info sheets, and storyboards.

Things to Check Out:

I was interviewed by Meagan Clark for CKUA's ArtBeat! If you missed it, check out the episode online (August 11th).

Werner Herzog's short documentary about texting and driving - realizing that it isn't something people do maliciously, but it's something that can be avoided by being consious of the world around you.

Keep an eye out for the Canadian Youth Film Festival! My Favourite Things was just submitted - it should be a great night!

Remember to keep up with production on my twitter: agrio_therium!

Booking. Thunder. Casting. Lightning.

August is upon us. Insert typical comment on how time flies here.

I have been in Alberta for five weeks already... my time with the Banff Centre has almost expired... already! As I juggle preproduction and a job that requires a larger amount of creative input than I'm used to, I'm finding myself relatively exhausted. Though, the mountains are a strange source of energy, and of inspiration. Going for tea at the Centre every morning usually comes with the unique pleasure of coming within arms distance of an elk or deer in the crisp grass. Walking through the streets and watching as a thundering storm comes down the valley (there have been a lot of these this year). Whether or not I am able to see things more clearly is up for debate, but I am seeing things differently.

The film is going through various stages of really stressing me out, but I suppose that's the litmus test for learning new things. We had a very decent turn out for auditions - I was pleasantly surprised by the enthusiasm brought into the audition studio by people who had travelled a fair distance to get to me.  We had people from Cochrane, Calgary, Canmore, even Brooks. Some great ideas, thoughts, and criticisms came out of these sessions - I'd say it was a phenomenal first attempt at casting in Alberta. We received interest from CKUA, and a very cool lady named Meagan Clark came out and did a quick interview with me Monday morning. This was very, very cool. Talking about my project to people who want to hear it just gets me going, and forms these lovely creative ebbs that just carry me along through my lengthy preproduction days.

And of course, I will begin thanking people now - even though my thank-yous will continue until this film reaches the eyes of an audience and beyond... much thanks to old film camp friend, Amanda, for being my reader and casting assistant, plus keeping me company for like... twenty hours. And much thanks as well to Sandra, for use of her very nostalgic and fantastic dance studio.

It was great being able to hear my script being read for the first time, and some people brought some really interesting things to their characters. It's a feeling you really remember. The film has never felt more real, more exciting, and now we're really in the deep end.

The entire filmmaking process seems a series of financial and emotional ups and downs, this film providing the biggest yet. I feel a teensy bit bipolar when an e-mail favouring or stomping on my pre-production arrives on my phone and I proceed to act accordingly. If it's good news, yes - I'm awake, I'm ready, let's do this - let's go send more e-mails! If the news is bad - it's the apocalypse, the world is abysmal. In a single thought, it's exhausting. It's a delicate balance I'm not that great at keeping up. As anyone who has probably had to stand a conversation with me for more than 5 minutes in the past month knows.

New Logos are happening while I should
probably be doing other things

As my brain boils in my skull, I've been soothing my soul with Luciano Pavarotti, Tchaikovsky, Shubert... plus, soothing my 12 year old self with Spongebob Squarepants and Adventure Time therapy treatments every day or two. In the past year, I think I've started to understand how to handle myself under stress. (Finally) after five years of post-secondary... stress doesn't mean the whole system grinds to a halt any more. And that is super!

I've assembled a handy little crew, made of a unique blend of SFU film students, SAIT alumni, plus some extras. A bit of good news, or a budget reduction goes a long way. There's a lot of work to be done, as there will be through until the production phase of 'My Old Flame' is complete.

The more time I spend away from Vancouver, the more of this weird relief I feel. It's going to be a busy last year, but I will graduate in the spring, pack up, and move to a new city.

Cheers,

Things to check out:

Please, please, please - check out this TEDtalk by Colin Stokes - "How movies teach manhood"

Shakey Films have a new thing going on - check out the trailer(s) for JIMBO.

The first annual Moonrise Film Fesitival - TONS of SFU content in this one!

I'll probably be Tweeting/Instagraming the crap out of my production - follow Agriotherium Films on the Twitter

Pie in the Sky July

"By the time it came to the edge of the Forest the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and, being grown-up, it did not run and jump and sparkle along as it used to do when it was younger, but moved more slowly. For it knew now where it was going, and said to itself, 'There is no hurry. We shall get there someday.'"

I had an nice post going describing how June was going, but alas. It never made it out before June was done speeding past. And now July's a good chunk through. By September I'll be wondering where the hell my summer's gone.

Old news to some but, after some fighting and some deliberating, turns out, instead of making a graduate film this year, I'm going to be making an independent short. Which sounds a thousand times more terrifying, but infinitely more challenging and exciting. This project I'm shooting this August no longer bears that 'film student' pallor. It's super 16, it's indie, it's in Canmore, and it's mine.

The past couple months were a little strange with things just dribbling by, not much to do. I'm now two weeks into my new job - in Banff! - and things are finally picking up. I've got a lot of video projects with work to power through, meeting and working with tons and tons of new people. It's especially nice to be working in an environment with students and employees of all ages. It's really getting me back into the practice of actually talking to people about something other than film or school.

And in terms of my film next month; crew is coming together, gear is being booked, drafts are being assembled into something that is hopefully intriguing. With my next draft, visuals will start crashing together and I can really get the sights and sounds of this film together in my brain. My only disappointment this far is the lack of commitment I have seen out of peers from Vancouver. But thankfully, some old friends from Alberta are coming to my rescue!

For a few weeks there, I was feeling rather doubtful about my short film - the largest question of all being "Why should I even make this film?" - since I have spent a great deal proving to myself that this film means a lot to me in story, in experience, and in end product. After two months of being well set up to be on track, I suddenly felt that nothing was going to get done. This was also during my time where I didn't have too much to do in the summer. Because given infinite time to think about anything, it seems very easy to find doubt in everything. Those stress fractures sooner or later become voids - and their increasing number makes it difficult to avoid them all. The minute you look up at that horizon, it's inevitable that you're going to end up stepping in something negative. There's a lot of things I've got to keep balanced for this project, and I think the most important thing is the head on my shoulders. It's going to be a ton of work, and I've got a ton of work to do between now and then. But it's happening, and it's going to get done. And it's going to be great.

Over the past month or so, I have been considering what my ideal path would be post post-secondary. It seems to change each year with some trepidation, but the more I talk about this new plan, the more I think it is the wisest and most constructive idea yet. I'm considering moving back to Alberta - either to Calgary or to Edmonton - to engage in a different kind of provincial film business. There are many reasons why this, to me, would be the best place to be - but I think a move from Vancouver will be healthy. Thinking about it, there isn't much keeping me there - when I think of what I would leave behind, it would be very little. A few friends, a year-round gardening season, and an aquarium. No connections robust enough to lead to creative collaboration in the long term, no leads to jobs in my field. I guess my cure-all for this is just pick up and move to somewhere that is generally friendlier, less costly, and somewhere where I could separate myself from my University stint, start fresh - and jump into my career.

Even being out of Vancouver for a couple weeks has me in a weird zen state. It's quiet here. I can see the stars. I can walk everywhere. A lot more people walk around with smiles here. It's got a groove I understand.

I hope to someday refer to my years in Calgary as my 'gathering street cred years' - an experience/connection platform that will vault me back to Vancouver, maybe to Toronto, or fling me farther out. 

Something I've been ruminating on lately is the surprising polarity between people who are generally accepting in their lives, and those who are not. This, perhaps, in light of me trying to get out there and date a bit (which has been an extra smooth combination of awful and hilarious), and having interesting conversation with peers on the topic of relationships. Relationships are weird. That's pretty much all I've discerned about life from this whole experience.

A book I've been reading lately has gotten me thinking about the base 'goodness' of a human being. Freedom by Jonathan Franzen. It is a lengthy book encompassing the strange, passionate lives of a modern family who set out to be good - but by their own blindness, ignorance, shame, or greed, they find it is difficult to change, difficult to surpass the past. I don't often read fiction like this because I've never really understood it. But I think after this year in particular, I am starting to understand the nature of 'The Mistake' (whatever that means) and it's life-long effect on every person I will ever meet. New fiction gives me all sorts of things to mull around in my brain, this one perhaps a little more melancholic, but a good learn (and an interesting read) nonetheless.

I've got two very important mantras for this year coming up. I believe this final year of school will prove to be more emotionally than academically challenging, now that the game has changed.

1. Burn no bridges. (Even if you dislike those bridges - even if those bridges have no respect for you)

2. Be honest. Be kind.

It's going to be important to keep an even keel as things happen around me this fall. Essentially "keep your eye on the ball" has never been a more important sports philosophy for life in general.

Happy summer, all!

Things to look at:

Congratulations to all you SFU kids who made it into the Montreal Film Festival's student competition!

If there's one thing I enjoy in this world it's production photos - Edgar Wright has been featuring Shaun of the Dead ones recently and it is super great

This from BriTANick

Nautilus - a lovely little online publication exploring science, philosophy, and culture

A post sort of about digital cinematography

I know people have been talking about this a lot, especially in the last five years. I'm not going to say it's 'hotly debated' because it seems everyone has just lay down, and every now and again, a new camera or codec or system just comes along and rolls over everyone. I know it's probably all been said, but I feel as a cinematographer (instead of dressing for the job I want, I'm  just going to start describing myself with the job that I want) that will be entering into the industry just as film hits rock bottom, I'd like to just give my two cents, or maybe just sort of talk it out to the internet. Yeah, let's call this a 'talking at the internet to deal with my feels'.

I am quite aware that I have a lot to learn (and catch up on) regarding the advent and technology of digital cinematography, so I guess consider this a semi-ignorant, probably over-passionate rant.

It's Not Quite the Time

Short post today. Not much going on.

I'm going into my sixth and final year of university this September, and it feels bizarre. High school feels like only a couple of years ago, while at the same time it feels like ancient history. It's rather disorienting.

In the wake of my last five years in Vancouver, I think I've come to fear that the amount I have grown is negligible to the time I have spent in this city. Maybe I expected more of a noticeable change, being in University, living independently, working different jobs, being around different people, et cetera. I'm sure I've changed, just as sure as I've aged, but it's very difficult to see being in such close proximity to myself all of the time.

My life goal wasn't ever to 'be a film student'. But somehow in my post-secondary education, that's what its kind of feeling like. Like there's nothing beyond graduation, nothing beyond GPAs. I've had my head down for most of my University career, sort of staring at my film student feet. With a year left, it's really about time I stared to augment how I look at my role in the grand scheme of things. A year from now my career as a student will be quite over, and I hope things will be quite different. My stress levels await the day I can not care about what a stranger grades a final exam as in a class that has nothing to do with my major. I can dream.

This summer's off to a very slow start - having not landed a job immediately after the semester ended, I'm stranded in a weird limbo between employment in July and unsure of what to do on a day-to-day basis. I've been gardening (on days that it doesn't rain, which seem few and far between lately), sewing a bit, catching up on some reading. I saw Star Trek twice. But really, I don't have much to do. Sigh.

As things are gearing up to shoot my next short film in August, I feel the usual stress and pressure of a looming shoot date - but in a rather controlled and measured way. The game has changed a little in regards to my preparation and drive going into next year, and I feel that everything is slowly, but surely coming together. Every day I try and get something lined up or figured out. As much as I would have liked a producer or a production manager this time through, I think with all of the time on my hands now, I've got some time to do some creative, as well as bureaucratic planning. Getting all of my ducks in a row.

Sorry for the short, jumping-about post. My brain is everywhere!

Things to check out (a lot of things):

Female Voice in the Film Industry panel, coming up this Wednesday

Spaces and Reservations is up with it's own website and Tumblr

Will Romines is on Tumblr! With photography!

SFU film grad Paula McGlynn's lovely blog

I finally checked out the wonder that is Brain Scoop - it's a very, very cool series

This is Water by David Foster Wallace

The Feminist Anthropologist

Just in case you missed it - one of my favourite humans singing in space

A cool history of space-safe food from Tested

Moving Forward: Reflections on three years of film school (sort of)

Well, another screening has come and gone. Another year of university has done the same. Relieved and incredibly nervous that this time next year I'll be headed out of my post-secondary career and out into the deep end.

The SFU 3rd Year Screening: Free was two Thursdays ago, and it was tremendous - thank you to everyone who came out to see our films. 'A Spoonful of Sugar' was pleasantly received. It was great to show something in the theater again, I always forget what that rush is like. My classmates' films were absolutely top-notch, and I've got to say it's our best screening yet. I can't wait to see what everyone pulls off next year.

That end of semester stretch.

End of semesters are always tough. This year's got me in a nice time-bind, with two major creative project deadlines and a final exam in under 24 hours. The exams and papers are a little easier to make happen, but the creative endeavours are a little harder to work through on a fierce time frame. It doesn't do nice things to my brain. Alas. The semester's nearly done.

Vancouver's been treating us to some supreme-stellar weather these past two weeks, and my only regret is having to sit in front of a computer pretty much all the way until the 18th of April. Plans for the summer and the shoot in August are forming up slowly - pulling resources together, pulling a script together. I'm so excited to be shooting on the Arri SR-3, on a medley of stocks from Kodak and Fuji. I'll be picking up my Kodak stocks this week and starting to book gear at the same time. It feels like a lot to bring together in the next month or so, but with each step forward, I feel a little more sure that I will be successful in this endeavour. 

The garden sits outside and taunts me, most days. Still overgrown with last year's remnants, come April it'll all be dug up, soil supplemented, seeds started. I can't wait to get out into the sun and get a little work done with my hands.

This summer will yield very few surprises, it's straight shooting until August. I've got to do a great deal of saving/budgeting to make it through til post with my grad film (I can't wait until it has a title, so I can stop calling it 'my grad film'). I'm hoping to get a lot of reading done - I've got a stack of books on filmmaking, directing, cinematography and photography to work through. 

I'm really getting a kick out of an anthology of short stories I picked up at the library last semester. I read a quote by Truman Capote on writing posted somewhere on Tumblr and decided to try reading through some of his work. I have become completely enthralled by his writing style - very visceral - he describes things in such a way that you can, for an instant, feel them. One passage from House of Flowers, "Ottilie was used to boldly smiling at men; but now her smile was fragmentary, it clung to her lips like cake crumbs." It's absolutely fantastic. The stories range from the 1940s to the 1980s and are an absolute pleasure to read. I'm hoping to pick up some of his novels this summer. For those who appreciate an author who weaves their poetry in such a wonderful way so as you want to read them aloud, I recommend Capote.

I'm finally getting out to take some 35mm stills tonight. Lucky one of my classes gives me an excuse. I haven't had a chance to take my new Nikon FA out for a spin this year. It should garner some supreme results. I'm taking some 400 speed black and white out at sunset to see what I can capture.

I had fun rough draft-procrastinating by doing up my titles with ink and brush, scanning them, then putting them through colourizing and prism filters for a unique credit sequence I'm pretty excited for.

With the screening of A Spoonful of Sugar and the preproduction of my grad film commencing, it seems there's very little room in my brain for much else. Which I definitely don't mind.

Happy Easter everyone! Enjoy the sunshine, and happy editfest 2013.




Things to check out!

Our screening! Don't forget! SFU Woodwards on April 18th
I started a film work-specific Twitter account
Colonel Chris Hadfield's Tumblr 
A film hasn't punched me in the heart for a while, but this one did

Multiple-front pre-eminent disaster.

Well, now that I've rung in my twenty-second year on this planet - I've got to say, it feels like the past year has been this set-up to make this year one of change, opportunity, and brain-building. It sort of feels like I'm stepping off of a high wall into something uncertain, but good. But I have a feeling I've probably said something to that effect before. Who can say.

There's a deep foreboding hedgehog that's sitting in the pit of my stomach concerning this spring. Summer will be a time of busy-ness and celebration - but between now and then, I'm not so sure. It's either a bad bit of deja-vu or some new fangled thing, but something's not quite right. We'll cross that dubious bridge when we come to it.

I'm just beginning to cut my film for this semester. I'm battling through my dislike of the post-production process, syncing sound is slow - the assembly cut is slow. But it's all coming together. I've got some great, hand-drawn titling I'm doing - the film now officially being called "A Spoonful of Sugar" (thanks, Joel). After spending the most pretentious hour of my life surfing the 'typography' tag on Tumblr, I got some super ideas of lines, patterns and fonts to doodle around with. I'm looking forward to seeing the final product.

I set up a new set of challenges going into production for this film, and I think I'll come out the other side better for it (as we often do). I had a great little cast and crew working with me - and save the date: our screening is going to be on April 18th at the David Mowafaghian Cinema at Simon Fraser University Woodwards at Hastings and Abbot. It's free! And there's nothing better than filled seats to us filmmakers.

Now that we're into March, the preproduction process concerning my grad film is fumbling along. Having made the first half of my film stock purchase from Fujifilm, I now open my fridge every day to stare at six rolls in square cans patiently waiting for their time to come. My current trepidation is breaking my script back down to the essentials and building something that is worthy to be shot on the last little bit of super 16mm in manufacture. No pressure or anything, brain. I'm really hoping to externalize some very internal feelings with my last student short. It's something I'm dreadful at, but I think taking a step back and looking at how I tend to internalize things could help me create something wonderful and bold - an adventure in self-discovery through collaboration and filmmaking. (So exciting!)

I'm looking forward to building a crew and a plan to get everyone out to Alberta late August. As much as I don't enjoy pre-production, having it all come together on that first shoot day is just a fantastic feeling. I'm looking forward to the adventure. My most ambitious shoot to date.


I had a dream recently (yeah, I'm going to talk about my dreams), my first with having to do with a long-lasting, subconscious need to forgive. After reading Looking for Alaska by John Green, I had a weird mental suturing occur between feelings I had been having regarding the loss of a friend, and my reluctance to relinquish those feelings that stuck around after. I think about it often, and the dreams I have had regarding the loss have been numerous - but this one was different, it's not closure by any means - but perhaps something working towards it. It's refreshing to find a piece of fiction that affected me so thoughtfully and positively. And sometimes a revisit to young adult fiction is just what my heart needs.

On the other end of that story, I also recently had, what I'm going to call, my first 'rage' dream. From which I woke up thinking I had yelled all my issues with everything at everyone and it felt pretty good. My brain's sending signals.

I've got a very bizarre inkling to write again. Write novels. And I'm having a hard time separating it from the weird-things-I-do-when-I-procrastinate feeling or something very genuine and real. Who knows! We'll see what's left when summer settles.

Twenty-thirteen has already been moulded into a collection of cliché war-room abstractions: rising to the occasion; riding out there and meeting the challenge head on. A less neutral body has more enemies, but closer friends. To stir the pot... and so on.

I feel somewhat courageous, like I woke up one day and put my sassy pants on... and they haven't really come off.

Spring's on it's way. I know because my eyes are super itchy all the time. I can't wait to get out in the garden once this rain lets up. I can't wait for sunshine and heat and freckles.



Things you should probably check out:

I finally got to go to the Rain City Chronicles - hop on that train because it's great.
A reminder that The Featured Creature exists.
Never been to the Stormcrow? Go to there.
Check out this double feature at the Vancity theater this month!
Want a home page?
Shout out to a film project! Resonance by David Kelso and Russell Hirsch - they're shooting this fall!

The fungus among us.

February is sure going to be busy. Hopefully, a good kind of busy. Shooting films with different people in different places. Books to read, scripts to write.

I spent this past weekend out at Bowen helping shoot some pick ups for a grad film. I love traveling for shoots - it's all hard work, adventure, getting to know people better. There is really nothing like it. It's a life and travel experience all wrapped up into one; as most adventures are destined to be. We met a pub dwelling bull dog named Porsha. I also took an active field survey by photographing every fungus, lichen and slime mould species I could find in a swamp. I'm having an absurdly good time having a higher quality camera packaged with my cell phone.

I love Bowen and I love the Gulf Islands. This year I'm going to start collecting a super adventure package, which will consist of a bicycle, a tent and provisions for one-man travel. Next summer, I'd like to island hop. I wont have the money to travel internationally for some time, but the Gulf Islands will be short-term symptom relief for my wanderlust. A way to experience the west coast alone, and visit all of the tide pools for as long as I want. An entire day at Grandma's Beach catching baby rock fish? I do what I want. It's going to be wonderful.

I think I've mentioned before the apparent importance of introspection this year. Introspection is always on the backburner - but this year it's like I've lived enough that now I can see more of the expanse. I Can see patterns in people, patterns in myself. The fact that we're all behaviours wrapped up in mammal meat. For the past month I've been unbelievably distracted by thoughts of 'what ifs' and 'could bes', I've found it incredibly difficult to focus, especially so because January didn't have a whole lot going on. I've been wondering what causes me to pin more emotional value on one person than another. How a poor opinion of one person can travel so far. The dichotomy or subsequent unity between two people alone in a room. It's just a lot to be pent up in my brain, a lot of things that don't have simple answers. In order to have control, I need to learn and understand when to hold on or let go. Whether it be with people, projects, ideas... I think my brain has turned to stew.

Well, this week I shoot my short film for the semester. I'm looking forward to a simpler set, with a more complex set of motives as a director. I've been preparing as much as I can, but the true test will be on the day. Other than youths and friends, I haven't directed much. So here's to that learning curve. And it's all about keeping up with the curve.

2013 may be the year of the most giant mulling-things-over I've had yet.

Things you should check out:

Women in Film and Television Vancouver Film Fest! Their line up was just released, get in on that! Rumour has it there's a launch party on the 21st - anyone want to be my birthday date?

Continue to keep up with Canadian Framelines! They're traveling across Canada - maybe they're coming by your neighborhood?

If you're not already familiar - Scout Magazine! Filled with Vancouver awesomeness.

Lacking a date this valentines? Go on a blind date with a book.

Oh, and the Vancouver Aquarium now has wobbegongs.

Two times preproduction

I can't believe we're T minus nine days from February already.

This year has already become about focusing and finding out what I need to succeed, creating a perpetual motion machine out of passion and drive - accepting certain truths, and adapting to them. Being clear-headed, ultimately. Unraveling the rhetorical surrounding self-improvement.

It's funny how I'm rediscovering the excitement of finding like-souls. When I come home from the odd set or an event, it's like I could be coming home from elementary school and wanting to tell my mom about the new friend I made. But then I get to thinking how weird it is to not be telling my mom about that kind of stuff is. Growing up is weird. This weirdness is all combined with this influx of 'coming of age' literature and film I've been consuming. I've been reading through John Green's works, watching films like 'The Perks of a Wallflower', even my grad script sort of takes me back to when I was a kid. It's like I'm rediscovering my youth. Weird stuff. 

Burgeoning stress about my grad film has already culminated in nice nightmares about me not delegating, no one on set getting fed, being hours behind schedule, and somehow neglecting to do a shot list. Nothing like a production night terror to shake your senses at 3am on a Saturday. Mark Ruffalo was there saying, 'you know you're two hours behind schedule, right?'

I've made a lot of larger decisions about my grad film that are sourcing a large amount of anxiety/combo/excitement. I hope that I can utilize this semester to produce a near-to shooting script so that I can start wrapping my head around the logistics of a shoot that requires travel and casting in another province. I think I just need to track down some willing individual who can produce for me. But producing is a large, and often unwelcome job offering. I'm confident (sort of) that I can assemble enough of a crew who can commit to the travel and shoot time. Because I think it's going to be a pretty excellent adventure - and what's an adventure without a band of misfits to accompany you?

Finally nailing down a schedule this semester I can fill with reading and taking photos. My schedule is unpleasantly wide open. Now that other student shorts have started, some time has been filled with set work, which I am profoundly grateful for.

I am hoping this semester I can find more time to study directing and cinematography on paper. I am determined that the more subject matter I consume about film, the more I will be able to recall and discuss on a regular basis. For my spring semester project, I've tailored a script to challenge me in alternative ways - more updates on that as they come along. A mocumentary, one performer, imaginary friend spectacular! Though I'm finding it rather unpleasant to be writing and pre-producing two films at once. It's borderline horrific.

I eagerly await spring. When I can hack away at the garden for some stress relief and sun rays.

Hope everyone's January comes to a pleasant end.

Things to check the hell out:

The Birds of Paradise Project

Beasts of the Southern Wild, you should probably just watch it.

Raincity Chronicles - in leiu of January's show being sold out like... forever ago, I've bought tickets for their show in March. Would anyone like to join?

WIFTV Festival!

PuSH Festival