Here we go...

"We gather knowledge faster than we gather wisdom."

This semester, I've been working on developing a daily routine. Things I need to do every day, things that need to get done every day, regardless. A medley of tidying, practicing the ukulele, writing, watching a movie or two, doing so much ecology reading. Perhaps in ritual I can get this semester under control and have it maintained in such a state, that in the weeks I approach my shoot, the rest of my life doesn't just... deflate/collapse/spontaneously combust.

Oh yeah. So I'm shooting in five weeks. My first largeish-scale, solo venture.

Broccoli I grew. NBD.

I've got ideas flying all over the place for my first semester film, as well as for my grad film (yeah, that's coming up quicker than I anticipated). Now that I've finally got my first draft completed and my gear list in, the only thing that feels all wiggly and in the way of my confidence is casting - and that's only because I've never done it before and it's a little intimidating. More so because I'm casting a quartet of kids. Oh, and a gear/crew situation that continues to worsten every time I check up on it. But we'll deal with that... later.

The shoot seems like a long ways away at this point, but I know it's going to sneak up on me like nobody's business. But knowing what I want is an incredible feeling. After being stuck on page four of my screenplay since sometime in July, I forced myself to sit down and complete the first draft. No sleep, I said, til it's done. The next day was just astounding (equal parts excitement, accomplishment, and drifting on three hours sleep). My gear list was easy to build, thoughtfully extrapolate and submit. It's so stupendous. I can see how this is going to roll. And I feel it's going to go well.

My excited anxiousness reminds me a lot of my trepidation going into my two productions for first year... except my brain seems so much more organized. There's still fear (if you come onto set one day and you're not afraid, really, what's the point of coming onto set at all), but it's a controlled fear, a much more logical fear. A fear I can get excited about? Maybe? I have a notebook and in it are lists of things, 'current problems', 'potential problems', 'things to avoid'. But these are right alongside the things I feel more positive about - budgets and props, lighting and camera. It's (so far) balancing out to a very zen experience. Everything, right now, seems within my grasp.

To get myself all mentally geared up for my shoot, I've selected a pile of books and DVDs to sort of set me off in similar directions. Either stylistically or inspiring character details or camera angles. I tried to do this last year, but found it very difficult to keep up with how the idea of our film evolved. I seem to have a fairly clear visual look for the film, and the challenge for me in the pre-production phase and on set is making sure that vision is understood by everyone. That's something I had problems with in my second year as well, but that's what's so supreme about third year - you really get to march to the beat of your own drum.

I also bought a uke recently. Yiss.

Coming from a different, but perhaps, equally tumultuous part of my brain, is some thoughts about the relationships between people. I find as I get older, it's easier to observe my actions from a more objective standpoint much sooner after a happening. From these observations, I can kind of patch together some reasons I end up doing things, or reacting the way I do. Fixing habits is much easier said than done, but I think it's a step in the right direction (after all). It's funny how much I get hung up on people, being liked by people. Not even people in general, certain people. While I have people in my life who care, my thoughts often do not go to them first. My thoughts get tossed in this bottomless pit of nothing. It's times like this when I'm reminded how important these characters in my life are, the ones who I can talk to and be myself around.

My older self seems to be gaining insight on my younger self.

To all those embarking on shooting in these coming weeks, best of luck! I look forward to seeing more stupendous work coming out of this year.


Things to look at:

I've started a Tumblr for some of my photos! Badger Brown.

Mantees that calm the soul.

Great Manta Ray of Santa Fe -

As I start to piece together this script for the fall, I find myself constantly hung up on the visuals. When I'm sitting down, brainstorming the main conflict in the film and what it can involve - I constantly find myself on the next blank page, making lists of props, costumes, songs, locations, lighting schemes and camera angles. On a secondary front, any story I have tried to write down, I have deemed not a good enough story to tell. On what basis, I'm not entirely sure. I'm not even super sure what sort of films I'd like to make. When I think of my dream jobs, two sort of float to the top. One is working in quality kids films - the other, doing camera operation for programs like Planet Earth, traveling, observing and searching for that perfect, heart-rending shot of a tiny, rare animal making it's way in the world. As much as I'd like to be the ring-master on any project of mine, I really don't think I have the ability to actively produce entire ideas. Of course, I'll give it my all while I'm in school, but it's not something I'd necessarily cling to coming out of  University. I think it would be magnificent to collaborate with a screenwriter at some point - either in a directorial or a cinematography capacity.


While reading Mike Leigh on Mike Leigh, I've come to note certain aspecs of filmmaking that continue to both astound and confound me. The debate over art is something I find particularly futile; what is worth looking at, what is worth money - which pieces affect whom and in what way. Leigh's way of doing things is unique, laborous - and through his practices he gets these devastating dramatic pieces that I, personally, have not seen the likes of. There is a film out there for everyone, I think - and as filmmakers, the possibilities are absolutely endless. Not only are there an astounding number of ways to now go about getting a film made, but film can be made to realize any truth, any dream and any image. It's something I really look forward to being involved in for the rest of my life.

I've also started exploring photography a little more as a source of inspiration for visuals. I've now shot a couple rolls of black and white 35mm stills on loaner cameras. It's a rather exhilarating activity, looking for where the light is just right. And trying to think in black and white is opening up all of these brain-doors that look for texture on a different level than taking colour photos.

Potatoes!

I also made some amazing soup the other day. With the onset of a weird chest cold, I decided that, in 25 degree weather was good weather to make a butt-load of soup in. Using Jamie Oliver's potato and leek recipe as a jumping point, I took garden potatoes, leeks, onions, garlic, carrots, celery and ham - boiled in a vegetable stock with loads of pepper and a couple bay leaves. Delish! My only wish is that our freezer was bigger so I could make bigger batches. And, as a result, eat soup forever. Also, this horrible, horrible cough is remarkably persistent - so make a wider berth around me than you usually would. I seem to have already infected my roommate. Although it doesn't seem to come with any flu-y or congestion problems, it's all up in my chest and it's really awesome.

Having harvested my first (and probably only) head of broccoli yesterday, I think the gardening is winding down. An unfortunate white mildew is slowly preying in my pumpkins, and the peas are all but done. The beans are still coming at alright intervals - onions are still coming, and I picked my first couple of tomatoes from the vine this past week. Sometimes there's a strawberry or two waiting for me in my patio planters when I come home from out and about.

I made a new friend. It's a ukulele. After a couple years of pining after one, after feeling the need to have another interactive hobby that is completely "battery-free", I'm actually having a lot of fun teaching myself how to play an instrument. It picks at my brain in different ways than reading, watching and the like.

I'm due back home in Alberta today! Where many adventures await: camping, hiking, eating, drinking, and all that business. It's a much needed holiday, I think. A time to be away from the pressures of the city for just an ounce of time before I come face to face with an incredibly dense semester. Although my anxiety is peaking at a borderline psychotic level, I think this semester's going to be a lot of fun.

Anyways, a bit of a scrappy, boring to look at post today - but I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their August. And for those returning to school of any kind this September, I feel ya.


Things to feast your eyes upon:

Experience Madeline's excellent cartoon-amazingness!

Remember to keep up with Rock Cottage Year!

Also, ParaNorman was really awesome. I recommend you all go and see it. Plus, the soundtrack is by Jon Brion. So there is nowhere you could go wrong here. At all.

Live in Vancouver, looove movies? Be sure to check out the Vancouver Retro Cinema Festival. PRISCILLA IS PLAYING!

I found this neat, very informative site that describes the inner workings of tons of still photography cameras that are a little on the old side. Here's a link to the Nikon FA portion of the site. Extremely thorough, and rather straightforward. A great guide for n00bs like myself.

August: Selectively Crispy.

"What is commonest, cheapest, nearest, easiest, is Me,
   Me going in for my chances, spending for vast returns,
   Adorning myself to bestow myself on the first that will take me,
   Not asking the sky to come down to my good will,
   Scattering it freely forever."
                           -Walt Whitman, Song of Myself (14)


I have attained a new personal project. Probably something that will come to reality in the next year or so. But I've gotten pretty stoked on camping. With the success of our second ESL camping trip, plus talking with some amazing people about trips around the Gulf Islands, I've decided to start a collection of one-man camping gear, a touring bike, and some good places to travel to and hunker down for a night or two or three. This last trip has sort of renewed a love for the stars, for bonfires, for picking through rockpools for the most bizarre of sea creatures. A trip to Grandma's Beach on Salt Spring garnered an absolutely amazing array of sea life, just wading up to the knees. Rock crabs, pipe fish, fan worms, baby rock fish (cutest!!), shrimp, brittle stars, star fish, moon jellies and, what I believed to be, a  sort of miscellaneous cnidarian.

I think, a lot of the time, we have a tendency to disregard how attached other people can be to things. Things being... well, anything. Music, movies, moments in time. These iotas of importance in an individuals life. How can one person put down another's love for opera or rap, Leo Tolstoy or George R. R. Martin? I had a really hard time in middle school when in my top ten 'Everything I Will Ever Love Ever' list included things like Lord of the Rings, frogs, writing fantasy novels and science fiction. Lord of the Rings was a turning point, reaffirming filmmaking as my star to shoot for, the first film that I noticed cinematography specifically. I was appalled when people would declare to me that it's lame, or they weren't going to watch it because everyone else has seen it, it's too mainstream. That kind of thing still gets my goat occasionally. Mostly when it comes to film. It's important to keep in mind, the reason our arts scene and culture is so diverse, is that people are individuals - don't knock it til you try it - and it takes all kinds.

I heard about a weird, morally reprehensible thing on CBC the other morning. I guess some kids (and, I guess, parents) have decided it's a good idea for  picked-on youth to get plastic surgery as a means to deter bullying. Now, I'm all for the control of violence and depression in youth - I'm all for giving every kid the ability to stand up for themselves, but this really upset me. It comes back to the "we live in a society that tells us 'don't get raped', instead of 'don't rape'". Here, the message seems to be, 'boys don't like you because you don't have DD breasts? Let's fix that," or, "Don't look like a Hollywood starlett? Being picked on for your (insert any extraneous non-Barbie-like feature here)? We'll fix that right up and make you look like Jocelyn Wildenstein before you've even hit  puberty! Huzzah!" This is a step in the wrong direction for youth. Accepting who you are, and who others are is a much more important (and less invasive) way of dealing with bullying, kids feeling out of place, and building a supportive community in which youth are raised. Kids need to have thicker skins, parents need to be there for when they need support, and as a society, we can't be advocating changing yourself just to 'fit in'. Be yourself, you exist, you're a thing!

I've recently been able to start harvesting some potatoes. Those have come with some hard lessons. My first batch came out small and scarred (but still good), and some web and book research has told me how to avoid those problems. The second hill I dug up was nicer, smooth skinned and more plentiful. I had a bit of an aphid outbreak on my broccoli, but was able to deter them with soap and water treatments, as well as some help from the local ladybug population. I can pull a handful of beans every few days, which is fantastic. I've got a wicked pumpkin well on it's way to being the most show-y thing in my garden. It's about nine inches in diameter and still expanding!

In light of my fifth (yeesh) year at university about to begin, I have started thinking a little more critically about my current and future roles in filmmaking. What kind of films I want to make - and who to make them for (the later, perhaps the most important question of them all). Despite my family egging me on because of my 'youth', I do feel ancient. Every misstep I make feels like a devastating waste of breath - when really, it just takes me down another path; other opportunities, new scenery. I keep getting sucked in to the idea that this industry is incredibly 'cut-throat'. But, the fact of the matter is - it's only cut-throat so long as I play it that way. So long as I believe that every one else will cut me down to get to the top, and I need to do the same - I wont be a happy camper, and I'll be in the wrong state of mind. I think the key for me now is to find a group of people that I really enjoy working with. Filmmaking need not become my ball-and-chain, because I love it - and I always have loved it. Needless to say, I'm rather excited for this next year. I've started picking up a crew member here and there as my script sort of festers at a single page plus a thousand sticky-notes, but y'know... that's how it goes. I'm sure I'll keep that information forthcoming as ideas start forming cohesive bits of narrative. Currently it's colours, character names and snippets of songs. We've got a long way to go yet, but it's going to be great.

Wonderfully enough, I was able to finagle a biology course in with my film courses this fall. Intro to ecology. I'm pretty amped on this for numerous reasons: I love biology, I love animals and behaviors and plants and science. Also, I like having a hard science mixed in with my largely malleable arts courses. While I do appreciate the arts, it's a field of emotion, opinion and the abstract. In a larger sense, there is no right or wrong answer in the arts. The sciences, however, provide me with some much needed concrete-ness. Some fact, some good old fashioned book learning. Quite frankly, it's my grounding in reality, my ground in the importance (or unimportance) of what I do, it's my snap back to the larger picture. Plus! It's a chance to meet some new people. Can't pass up a sweet opportunity like that!

I go on holiday in 17 days. Cannot wait. Yeeeeeeeesh.

I hope everyone had a great, Pride-filled weekend!


Things to chiggity-check:

New (to me) music: Alex Turner, Patrick Wolf

A blog to look at because of reasons.

A refreshing dose of 'get your head out of the sand, here's what feminism actually is all about'.

What's all this about 70mm? A nice explanation of 70mm and it's uses via the Paul Thomas Anderson resource, Cigarettes and Red Vines.

Adorable best friend beasts!

A neat little resource that maps distances. I've been using it to calculate how far I run (not very far) every week. A little more accurate than Google maps. Pretty handy business.


(Hhhhi Nathan)