Summer music. Summer flowers. Summer television. Whatever.

Summer is here, summer is here. So this blog post will be filled with pictures of flowers. Whatever.

Buttercups & Bachelor Buttons

Summer, a time of increased insect traffic in your home, increased beverage consumption when siting outside and increased itchy sunburns. It's a time of summer music, this year it's the Dandy Warhols. I tried out a few others from my middle school days - Green Day (pre-American Idiot), The White Stripes, Blink 182 (oh god, I had forgotten about that video), but none of them have really stuck like they used to. The Dandy's have been playing pretty steady when I'm home. I've found this summer needs a bit more of a robust soundtrack than the combination indie/soft spoken Grizzly Bear sort of stuff that bore me through the rainy winter months.

I finally quit my job last week - which was a difficult, but necessary decision. As much as I really didn't enjoy working there anymore, it still provided a safe little haven where I knew everyone, I was skilled in my skill-less position and a steady paycheque. But really, I just want to get out there and meet people this year, learn new things. I can't do that stuck in the same place, nor can I do that with my perpetual, no exceptions 'better the devil you know' voice of my conscious. I mean really, it's absurd. So away we go!  I am a leaf on the wind. Landed a new job, different service industry, different duties and radically different time schedule. Should be alright for a while, I have a feeling it wont be too prime. But - this summer, I feel, is as much a time to be intrepid as ever. Out we go to experience life in general. I've even got a ladies rugby team all picked out to join once I settle into work.

Violas

A recent daily challenge of mine has been making decent dinner from rice and whatever is left in my house. Solution: super duper stir fry. Base: rice, plus! Leftovers, beans that have been in the freezer forever, egg, spinach, all that business. It turns out not that bad with a bit of olive oil, garlic and sometimes ginger.

And on the note of calling making edible food a 'challenge', I have also been facing tiny other 'challenges' on a daily basis. They're stupid little things, things really not worth telling anyone because they're so... itty bitty and seemingly inconsequential. But knowing how I work in a day to day environment and know how I react to some things (badly), I'm kind of able to make a little list of things to do that I don't usually do that will somehow result in a betterment of person. It goes much like this:

1. Example: after every conversation know what colour the other person's eyes are, or walk around without the protection of a giant bag for a day.
2. ???
3. Profit!

But really. These things just funnel my anxiousness into constructive means. So whatever.

Strawberries!

Transplanting things! First to sprout from my flurry of seeds outdoors was surprisingly pac choi. Closely followed by usual favorites, english breakfast radishes, mescluns and spinach. A few days later, beans and snap peas. On the indoor front, my Brandywine and Sasha's Pride tomatoes just sprouted the other day and are merrily putting up new growth. I recently transplanted peppers, cucumber and canteloupe that were bought as seedlings into larger pots with a healthy dose of Sea Soil Potting Mix. This stuff is gold. Jobe's tomato spikes and a handful of crushed eggshells was mixed in to my fourth garden bed with Sea Soil in preparation for tomato and zuccini transplant today. I've gotta say, in about three or four weeks the garden is gonna be bumpin'.

Anyways, that's what's up. I'm finding that, between my gardening and referring to my tiny animals as 'children', I am sounding rather domestic. Weird.

All the while, I repeat this summer's mantra: "Use your words".



Things to feast your eyes (and whatnot) upon:

   - Maitenance Man is being screened on May 31st at the Pacific Cinematheque, a CineWorks film festival project I gaffed for last month - Back Down the Highway
   - 24 Hour film race, look out for the SFU Film Workshop.
   - Girls - an HBO series in it's first season, I cannot express to you the weird kinds of joy that this show brings me, it's like what Sex and the City should have been, PLUS going through each and every one of my neuroses, making me feel slightly better that someone (however fictional) experiences much of the same. Feeeliiiings.

   - The independent film Choch is available here - read an open letter to supporters by filmmaker Brendan Prost here. Also be sure to check out this interesting independent film distribution phenomenon known as Distrify.

Summer summer summer

Hiccup!

Summer's here. First up, some feelings - THEN, actual things.

With the withdrawal of the rains, this summer has quickly become daunting, having put financial pressure on myself based on some imaginary 'success scale'. Not having the friendships I did even a summer ago, city life remains a little too lonely. Landing a new job seems a mountain yet to be scaled, the job hunt never ending. Hopefully something will come a long soon. And as I begin eliminating things in my routine that truly remove any "will-to-live" from my brain, this summer may turn out to be bright.

The past year, amidst other things, has made me become overly-wary of myself. I don't enjoy this so much. Not that I've ever been particularly foot-loose and fancy-free, but it's just a heightened sense of personal lame-ness. Fearing I'm not interesting enough, not persistent enough. Fearing I've become a little too callous or a little too fragile.  Wondering, quite constantly, why various individuals don't have any respect for me, or don't want to do something on the weekend, or what have you. It seems, more than any other force, I've become my own self-deprecating, neurotic enemy. High five!

A note on something I've discovered about respect. Prior to now, it never really came across as something important to me, maybe because for most of my existence I have been used to an environment where it is abundant and evenly distributed. This year it's become a liability. Through trial-and-error, I have discovered that someone who doesn't have respect for me can't simultaneously be a friend. It was difficult prescribing what was wrong with some relationships these past semesters, but aye, there's the rub. 'Friends' has become a very "high school" word. Now it's more like 'relationships', as every person I meet seems to have some sort of puzzle that needs to be cracked before we can have a reasonable conversation - and even then, that doesn't really mean anything. People are waffle-y, I'm waffle-y. It makes for strange, temporary and confusing acquaintances. My dad's infernal wisdom, "use your words," has never been more applicable.

In lighter, less whiny news - the semester's over at last, screening and all. The Grad screenings were stupendous, and let's say I feel very privileged to be in cahoots with some of these fine, creatively inclined and talented individuals. Second year, with all of it's... things, put me on a lot of sets and gave me opportunities to make impressions, friends and subsequent connections. I think it was one of the more successful repercussions of the year. I think third year's going to be a riot.  Although, I think I made the same extrapolation going into second year - but a lot's changed.

I've started gardening. I went a little crazy with it, and I guess it will be my surrogate 'something else to do all summer' project. Potatoes, carrots, peas, beans, radishes, broccoli, zucchini, cucumber, strawberries, cantaloupe, tomatoes, peppers, a variety of lettuces - the works. I had an alright crop with one raised bed last year and a late start. This year I've got four raised beds and a whole yard and an early start. It will afford it's own frustrations, I'm sure, but I hope it's going to be remarkably rewarding once it gets going.

One of two drawers brimming with DV tapes

Last summer, before things got weird, I pledged that I'd make a bunch of films on my own. Seeing as how none of those came to any sort of fruition whatsoever, I thought I'd take up the charge again, and see if I can be less estranged from my career path for these four months. I've been thinking about what I can do with a minimal contingency of beings while working full time. I've still got some things to tie up for the Alberta Federation of Shooting Sports project I've had on my plate for some time, and I also recently met with the fellows from Freyberg media to do some intern camera work with them. Other than that, the gears are turning, really. I was thinking the other day of a sort of 'found footage' documentary, based in the boxes (no, literally, boxes) of DV tapes that I've accumulated these past eight or nine years. Editing challenge #1! Yes. Perhaps an attempt to make something worth-while out of something very nostalgic. I started capturing tapes the other day. I haven't touched any of this footage since high school.

Empire's top 500, 2008

I think I also took up the charge to finally get through Empire's top 500 films last summer. Another unfinished goal for myself. I think I'm going to try to tack this project on to the summer as well. I've had this magazine issue since 2008. I've seen a large number of them, but I think it would be great to just push myself and get the rest of those generally accepted 'greats' seen and digested by the time third year rolls around. I most recently watched Amores Perros (2000), Ben-Hur (1959) and Scream (1996) for the first time. 

Anyways, this week is going to be filled with work and me facing my fear of teaching myself how to use a weed eater/lawn mower. So next time I blog, I may be writing to you from a hospital bed with missing appendages. Huzzah.

Cheers, happy summer. I hope the season awards you with many-a beverage on the patio.

Tail End of April

A wordy, picture-less post, this post-midnight mind-purge. With lots of hyphens, apparently.

Currently experiencing the charming, end-of-semester alienation I always seem to get stuck with. With each passing semester, the bitterness just gets thicker. I get sick frequently (or really sick every so often, like getting a super fever for one day and being convinced it'll be the thing that kills me), am always exhausted, always out of laundry, eating poorly. The end of semester is a wonderful, fantastical time of year that never feels good. Maybe one of these years, I'll have a good semester's end. Until then... well.

An opportunity for a unique, out of province summer came and went (plus a day of moping with a loop of Noah and the Whale songs), and although I was hoping to spend my summer back home in Alberta, it seems Vancouver's got some other, interesting plans for me. Regardless, I'd like my summer to be filled with adventures, books, new movies, filmmaking and new acquaintances. I am forming a list of things to do, things to accomplish as the days grow longer. Old habits will die hard, but I am prepared for a great deal of change in my future.

The past two semesters have been rather revealing in more ways than one. As the culmination of this time spent comes and goes on Tuesday, it's more a time of reflection for me, rather than a time of celebration. There's more reflection upon this to come, I am sure. But for now, let me say, that although my time spent amidst the frustrating pit that was this whole venture - the experience that this time has afforded me will become invaluable. Regardless of the outcome. And what an outcome it is turning out to be.

I've been thinking a lot lately about experience and perception, values that people will put on individuals depending on their employment, education, gender and ability to represent themselves.  I guess this train of thought has come by because of my long-winded battle with the Vancouver job market. But it seems, from struggles comes logical thought, enlightenment and growing patience. Realizing that being satisfied in any job that is outside of filmmaking isn't necessary.  Realizing that I need a lot more than a resume and diligence to get anywhere at any speed. I'm in this for the long haul, and I guess I've finally realized it's going to be a hell of a long haul.

Each person seems to lead their own lives of bizarre happenings. I hope everyone's doing alright with theirs.

Things you need to know about:

GLITTER AND DOOM: SFU's 2nd year film screening
Yes, it has come to an end. COME AND SEE THE RESULT.

Trailer:


Here's the event on FACEBOOK.

Tickets & Screening Info.


HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU: SFU's Grad film screening

Trailer:


Here's the event on FACEBOOK.

Tickets & Screening Info.

Check out our ad in this week's Georgia Straight!


NARRATED BY MORGAN FREEMAN

Something dreadful happened, yet another harddrive crash. As a result, a few film kids are going on an adventure, to make up for lost time. Spread the word and follow the journey on twitter and facebook.

Check out their Indiegogo page.


To see the outcome of this Morgan Freeman business, plus tons of other excellent Grad films, be sure to come to the Grad screening!

All of the screenings are taking place at the Djavad Mowafaghian Cinema at the Goldcorp Center for the Arts (SFU Woodwards) in Vancouver, British Columbia. Tell your friends! We love a grand audience just as much as we love putting on a show!

Articulation.

Apologies, another 'these are my feelings' post. I'm very antsy and stressed, I've got to get it out somehow.

After this long haul of two semesters draws to an uncomfortably hasty close, I'm disappointed, exhausted and anxiety ridden. As much as I am ready for this hell-child to be delivered, there's still tons of work to do on our short film for this semester. Trying to tie up the lose ends while job hunting like a fiend, prepping end of semester assignments, battling colds (seemingly all the time?) and getting some shut eye every so often has been difficult. But we're screening May 1st, 2012. So save the date. Save it good. If you love seeing blood, sweat and tears shot on super 16mm film, this screening sure as hell is for you.

I've got a couple sewing projects in tow, just paper plans at the moment. But in the mean time check out this totally normal looking, sort of kitch felt pear I made! To tell you the truth, this pear did have a goofy face. But due to the unlikelihood of people enjoying pears with weird faces as much as myself, I removed it. I mean, I enjoy creating monsters so much more, but I think there is more of a 'market' for classier felties with less of my own brand of psychotic flair.

I am now one of those idiots with one of everything on the internet. Mubi, GoodReads, Pinterest. No wonder I find myself wasting so much time doing things that don't really amount to anything.

The library continues to be a dear friend, I'm now waist deep in Herzog on Herzog by Paul Cronin and it's just absolutely fantastic. Herzog's attitude about, not only filmmaking, but life in general is an absolute gem. I'm really quite enjoying these filmmaker and cinematographer interviews. Although they provide no technical know-how, they instill a certain set of personal values - a sort of code of living, communicating and creating with one's self and others. I find the interviews absolutely enthralling. I've got Scorsese, Leigh, Wilder, Wenders and Tarkovsky lined up for April.

I've spent a lot of time worrying about what other people think of me lately. All this has been so distracting, I could be putting my brain power to something useful! Something that doesn't cause a self-consciousness collapse mid-conversation with an acquaintance. I can identify these short comings with insane accuracy, but it's as if my brain decides that no, it doesn't want to fix it's problems, and I continue in a particularly misconstrued fashion and no progress is made. My brain and I have what I like to call a 'working relationship'.

I am experiencing a feeling of unease these past few days. Past the end of semester stresses, past the always-present anxious sort of nervousness I experience on a daily basis. But I think I just pushed the unease and found this strange, exhilarating space in my consciousness. After dunking myself in a vat of responsibility and new experiences this past weekend on a certain short film, I think I tore open a small corner of the giant tarp suffocating my brain with fear and doubt and all of those wonderful feelings. I deserve a little corner of satisfaction, and I think to remain in a cold, dark corner only to maintain a sense of security is an excuse that I should not be making. The world is a very, very large place. There's room to wander, to change direction, to broaden one's horizons.

So there it is. Onwards, if not upwards.

Anyways, some things you should look at:

Cinnamon Bun. A legitimate song my roommate and I wrote while procrastinating one evening.

The Virtual Stage - a Vancouver based organization combining theater with new media, be sure to check out the Cruel and Unusual short film updates!

The Hobbit Production Blogs - they make my day, every day

Les Blank's documentary Werner Herzog Eats his Shoe, in lieu of Errol Morris' success.

March. March. March.

 Ooh, and it's March already. I've got a pile of things on the ol' "TO DO" list this month - most of that pile are things I'd like to get over with sooner rather than later.

Asides from discovering a voracious affinity for avocado spread on toast (so heavenly - go try it), not a whole lot is new. I'm currently searching high and low for a shiny new job to acquaint myself with. I'm convinced that a new job is my answer to everything. Money woes, boredom woes, getting out and meeting new people woes, all of those woes that haven't let up since sometime mid-2011. I'd really like to get back into the business of books. Bookstores are the most zen place in the world for me, and I would like nothing better than to just be immersed in those paperback labyrinths - dealing with other humans who also enjoy finding those literary gems in the stacks. Girl's gotta dream.

I made peace with the university library recently, and now I have a gigantic stack of film books I'm chugging through. I'm really getting a kick out of these interview-type books on filmmaking. I finished Principal Photography the other day, which is a series of interviews with fifteen cinematographers. It's fascinating the methods of the greats - many things are so similar, yet stylistically and biographically, there are these wonderful differences that are responsible for the immense spread of cinematography methods we see in film today. Two interviews that I found particularly enlightening were those of Gordon Willis (The Godfather, Manhattan) and Allen Daviau (E.T, The Color Purple, Empire of the Sun). The interviews contained some technical jargon, but a lot of what they had to say was concerned with how people work on set together, the responsibilities of their post before, during and after production, and some good mantras to remember as a student (and I'm sure, as a professional as well). It also had a great interview with Garret Brown, who developed the Steadicam, "...the moving camera lets you break into the medium itself- the screen stops being a wall and becomes a space you can play in." Next on my list are a large stack of 'director on director' books, more interview-type things. I'm looking forward to exploring some Tarkovsky films in the near future, so I can read his books. I was also just lent two 35mm still photography books (and cameras!) from my friend, Aerlan - which I am pretty jazzed to get my paws on.

I started sewing again yesterday, having freshly cleaned and organized my perpetually filthy desk. Here's a sneak peak of a purple beast I'm about half done. I have a feeling his jowls are subconsciously inspired by dear old Jake from one of my all time favorite cartoons, Adventure Time. Which is a show I think everyone should watch. Everyone. Ever.

I'm finding with my feltie designs in the past two years, although the faces are changing - becoming more complex and expressive - the body shapes are not. In fact, many are just the same base shape. I think once I finish this purple fella, I'm going to try and branch out shape-wise and see what can happen. I'm looking forward to, what I hope is, a long trend of super-felt beasties!

Not too much else to say today! Just make sure you all have MAY 2nd booked on your calendar for the Simon Fraser University 2nd year film screenings! It'll be an evening comprised of a mixed-bag of adventure and super 16mm! Who could ask for more?! I sure couldn't. I would also highly recommend checking out the SFU 3rd year screenings on April 12th AND the SFU Grad screenings on May 3rd, 4th and 5th. All of these are being shown at the Djavad Mowafaghian Cinema at SFU Woodwards!

Things to look at!

     Cool kiddie crafts over at Kids Craft!

     Check out 2011's National Geographic Photo Contest!

     Watch a jewel wasp zombify a cockroach! Science!

     Plus, I was super thrilled to find this documentary on YouTube. After reading a book about all of George Roy Hill's films, I got relatively stoked about finding out how Hill works. This 1970 documentary on the making of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid is so superb. I love it. So much. Watch it. As soon as humanly possible.

     People of a Feather

I saw People of a Feather this past year at VIFF and was impressed by the fact that it was an environmental film that did not preach that the sky was falling. It was able to explain, in simple terms, one specific problem that was causing deaths in the Eider ducks in Canada. What was even better is it's ability to introduce ideas to solve this problem, all while giving a unique historical comparison to the natives of that area, hundreds of years ago to the present.

Please check it out if you have the opportunity! It won best Environmental film at VIFF and was made by three SFU graduate students, two of which stemmed from the film production program.

VANCOUVER DATES:
March 2nd-5th, Vancity Theater
March 6th-9th, Denman Cinema
March 10th-13th, RIO Theater * Cancelled due to BCLC restrictions

     And, thanks to my roommate, I have spent an unreasonable amount of time watching these two brothers be adorable, intelligent and awesome back and forth over YouTube. EXAMPLE:

     Community is back NEXT WEEK.

I hope everyone is having a peachy start to the month. It's going to fly by, I am sure of it.

     If you're not too tired hearing about this Kony business... READ ON.

And here's the time of year...

...when I am thrown back into the pile of accomplishments, thoughts and shames that have hailed me this twentieth year of my life. It becomes more and more of a process, each year that passes, to take what I have experienced and knock it down into 'have' and 'have nots'.

And it's become increasingly important to me how those 'have' and 'have nots' affect not only myself, but my family and those closest to me. There are many places where my mind is and should not be, and vise-versa. There are many things I cannot do, and as I progress in years - that childhood paradigm of 'anything is possible' rapidly dissolves.

Notice: here's a nostalgia studded, 'sigh I am getting old post'. Just putting that business out there. Apologies, this blog's become rather emotional. Hoping it'll get back to the same old when... well, I don't really know when.

Another notice: I share a birthday with Alan Rickman. Yes.

End of January Update

And what a January it's been. It feels like this month's gone by fairly slow, until I look at all of the nonsense that I have/should have gotten done. This next year is going to be chalk full of busyness and work and the careful, tedious process of redeeming myself where I allowed disgrace - while at the same time, maintaining and improving my standing in my community. I see a great deal of opportunity for growth this semester, I think I just need to recognize it as such.

Thanks to a talk to my mom, I can sort of see past some of these things that I'm clinging so desperately to. Those colossal "later on down the road" concepts, really. I'm worried about losing these parts of my life because I'm focusing too much on one thing - namely this career that I hope to build for myself. But in the end, these things will pop up if and when they need to. I have a feeling this semester will teach me quite a bit about relinquishing my hold on some future, not necessarily prospects, but those distant sort of fairy tale matters.

And thanks to a talk I had the very next day with my film group and our instructor, it feels like a twelve pound boa constrictor has been exorcized from my guts. We all got the opportunity to say what none of us were saying to one another. It was becoming rather destructive. It will take time for things to be stitched up completely, but for now I'm very glad that I was able to get that chunk of festering anxiety off my chest and onto the table

I suppose another thing I have to learn is when pursuits become destructive, and to be able to recognize healthy pacing for large endeavors. After six months of over-saturation in what I'm going to call a 'hazardous dip into the deep end' driven by all the wrong reasons, I've had to pull back and start back from square one. Gotta soak my toes in the proverbial ocean before I put my head under.

If that makes any sense. It probably does not.

In less heavy news, I finally filled that hole in my heart (or, as some might say, that empty terrarium I've been carting around for two years) with a new wonderful little being whom I have named Hiccup. He's a Reed Frog, of which variation I have yet to identify. He seems to be doing well, but he's a lonely little fellow. In the event I get new, shiny job (hopefully) soon, I might get him a companion or two.

I've got a few shoots I'm crewing on in February, which is great. I've got a couple days picked during reading week to obtain my Standard First Aid certificate, which is a fairly daunting step - but I'm excited to have that advantage. In the mean time, I'm hoarding references and resume bait to join Women in Film and Television Vancouver. My mom found and suggested this to me a year or so ago and it was, at first, an easy decision for me to dismiss as an 'absolutely not'. For a time, I considered myself, not necessarily 'above' special women's programs for film, but I considered it a bit of a handicap. But in lieu of the last little while, I have recognized my need to take opportunities like these as they arise. Women's presence in film continues to disappoint me, another film student posted this article the other day.

I've been doing a bit of tinkering with felt and crafts. I was rather unmotivated to do much of anything last year, but hopefully I can make a few dollars selling bits and pieces in the next couple of months. I am shamefully poor at the moment.

Some wonderful things I came across this past week:

• Vimeo has a cooking channel. And it's beautiful.
• This man. Cinematographer for Easter Promises, The Empire Strikes Back and The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
• Rock Cottage Year - Gardening and cooking!