Holy Shmokes.

It's December, ladies and gentlemen, as I am sure you have heard. Yesterday was (thankfully) my last day of classes for 2011 and I have a single exam on Thursday. Although I am not content and I walk away from this semester a slightly estranged person, my mind is already elsewhere and I am ready to move on.

This semester, I think, will go down in my own personal history as "That time you humiliated yourself for the last damned time". My second year film was shot almost three weeks ago and the personal drawbacks were astounding. I have been unwittingly stubborn, outrageously cowardly and excessively self-conscious. I don't know if I've officially turned some sort of a corner (the straw that broke the camel's back, as it were), but essentially I am tired of being doubtful and self conscious, nervous and anxious. I let people walk all over me, and I haven't had the brass to stand up for myself since High School.

Now, I've been like this for a long time. Determined to remain a stranger to new things, outrageously set in my ways, no matter the ridiculousness of my methods. If it took this fall to change me, then it's best for the long run. So I guess for the foreseeable future, I've got an intense internal project going on. As I've got to change the fundamentals of my entire being. It's going to be wildly uncomfortable.

Well, that's that. Now to talk about other things.

Counting up the shoots I've been on this semester, I'm rather proud to see I've been on eleven. Seeing as how I amass experience on a rather alternative scale on set than say, at school, I am pleased to know that I can work somewhat functionally on a set.

I've decided to discontinue my strange video blog, as I have deemed it a extreme 'exercise in narcissism' and we don't need any more of that flying around the internet. But in it's place,  I have started a new Tumblr, known as For Freak Steaks. It was inspired by a friend's blog, Please Look. Basically I wanted a place to assemble bits of photography and cinematography that I can just amass as I'd like, draw upon as inspiration and practice for the eye. As a drive to further my knowledge in film history and technique, I am pairing this with my film journal. I'll watch a film, write up a page on it and then take some screen captures of what I thought looked fantastic. The examples I'm pulling have many motivations for singling out, whether I like the use of practicals, the depth of field or the lighting.

I'm really stoked on Christmas this year. Mind you, I don't think I've experienced a Christmas yet that I haven't been stoked for. I haven't really been home sick, as I spent two weeks hanging out in Canmore in August, I just feel I need to be with people who know me and care about me and stuff (i.e. my family). My Mom goes crazy with Christmas, so it's always full of people and food and fun things to do. Plus, this year as most of everyone's Christmas gift, my family's taking a trip to Mexico for a week! I haven't been traveling for a while, our last family trip was probably six years ago. I'm saddened by the prospect that this might be our last family vacation, but I am thankful for it and I think it's going to be a ton of fun.

Anyways, that's all I've got on my mind lately. I hope everyone's having a superb start to the holiday season. Give everyone you love in your life a bear hug and build a gingerbread house or something.

Cheers.