Pie in the Sky July

"By the time it came to the edge of the Forest the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and, being grown-up, it did not run and jump and sparkle along as it used to do when it was younger, but moved more slowly. For it knew now where it was going, and said to itself, 'There is no hurry. We shall get there someday.'"

I had an nice post going describing how June was going, but alas. It never made it out before June was done speeding past. And now July's a good chunk through. By September I'll be wondering where the hell my summer's gone.

Old news to some but, after some fighting and some deliberating, turns out, instead of making a graduate film this year, I'm going to be making an independent short. Which sounds a thousand times more terrifying, but infinitely more challenging and exciting. This project I'm shooting this August no longer bears that 'film student' pallor. It's super 16, it's indie, it's in Canmore, and it's mine.

The past couple months were a little strange with things just dribbling by, not much to do. I'm now two weeks into my new job - in Banff! - and things are finally picking up. I've got a lot of video projects with work to power through, meeting and working with tons and tons of new people. It's especially nice to be working in an environment with students and employees of all ages. It's really getting me back into the practice of actually talking to people about something other than film or school.

And in terms of my film next month; crew is coming together, gear is being booked, drafts are being assembled into something that is hopefully intriguing. With my next draft, visuals will start crashing together and I can really get the sights and sounds of this film together in my brain. My only disappointment this far is the lack of commitment I have seen out of peers from Vancouver. But thankfully, some old friends from Alberta are coming to my rescue!

For a few weeks there, I was feeling rather doubtful about my short film - the largest question of all being "Why should I even make this film?" - since I have spent a great deal proving to myself that this film means a lot to me in story, in experience, and in end product. After two months of being well set up to be on track, I suddenly felt that nothing was going to get done. This was also during my time where I didn't have too much to do in the summer. Because given infinite time to think about anything, it seems very easy to find doubt in everything. Those stress fractures sooner or later become voids - and their increasing number makes it difficult to avoid them all. The minute you look up at that horizon, it's inevitable that you're going to end up stepping in something negative. There's a lot of things I've got to keep balanced for this project, and I think the most important thing is the head on my shoulders. It's going to be a ton of work, and I've got a ton of work to do between now and then. But it's happening, and it's going to get done. And it's going to be great.

Over the past month or so, I have been considering what my ideal path would be post post-secondary. It seems to change each year with some trepidation, but the more I talk about this new plan, the more I think it is the wisest and most constructive idea yet. I'm considering moving back to Alberta - either to Calgary or to Edmonton - to engage in a different kind of provincial film business. There are many reasons why this, to me, would be the best place to be - but I think a move from Vancouver will be healthy. Thinking about it, there isn't much keeping me there - when I think of what I would leave behind, it would be very little. A few friends, a year-round gardening season, and an aquarium. No connections robust enough to lead to creative collaboration in the long term, no leads to jobs in my field. I guess my cure-all for this is just pick up and move to somewhere that is generally friendlier, less costly, and somewhere where I could separate myself from my University stint, start fresh - and jump into my career.

Even being out of Vancouver for a couple weeks has me in a weird zen state. It's quiet here. I can see the stars. I can walk everywhere. A lot more people walk around with smiles here. It's got a groove I understand.

I hope to someday refer to my years in Calgary as my 'gathering street cred years' - an experience/connection platform that will vault me back to Vancouver, maybe to Toronto, or fling me farther out. 

Something I've been ruminating on lately is the surprising polarity between people who are generally accepting in their lives, and those who are not. This, perhaps, in light of me trying to get out there and date a bit (which has been an extra smooth combination of awful and hilarious), and having interesting conversation with peers on the topic of relationships. Relationships are weird. That's pretty much all I've discerned about life from this whole experience.

A book I've been reading lately has gotten me thinking about the base 'goodness' of a human being. Freedom by Jonathan Franzen. It is a lengthy book encompassing the strange, passionate lives of a modern family who set out to be good - but by their own blindness, ignorance, shame, or greed, they find it is difficult to change, difficult to surpass the past. I don't often read fiction like this because I've never really understood it. But I think after this year in particular, I am starting to understand the nature of 'The Mistake' (whatever that means) and it's life-long effect on every person I will ever meet. New fiction gives me all sorts of things to mull around in my brain, this one perhaps a little more melancholic, but a good learn (and an interesting read) nonetheless.

I've got two very important mantras for this year coming up. I believe this final year of school will prove to be more emotionally than academically challenging, now that the game has changed.

1. Burn no bridges. (Even if you dislike those bridges - even if those bridges have no respect for you)

2. Be honest. Be kind.

It's going to be important to keep an even keel as things happen around me this fall. Essentially "keep your eye on the ball" has never been a more important sports philosophy for life in general.

Happy summer, all!

Things to look at:

Congratulations to all you SFU kids who made it into the Montreal Film Festival's student competition!

If there's one thing I enjoy in this world it's production photos - Edgar Wright has been featuring Shaun of the Dead ones recently and it is super great

This from BriTANick

Nautilus - a lovely little online publication exploring science, philosophy, and culture

Two times preproduction

I can't believe we're T minus nine days from February already.

This year has already become about focusing and finding out what I need to succeed, creating a perpetual motion machine out of passion and drive - accepting certain truths, and adapting to them. Being clear-headed, ultimately. Unraveling the rhetorical surrounding self-improvement.

It's funny how I'm rediscovering the excitement of finding like-souls. When I come home from the odd set or an event, it's like I could be coming home from elementary school and wanting to tell my mom about the new friend I made. But then I get to thinking how weird it is to not be telling my mom about that kind of stuff is. Growing up is weird. This weirdness is all combined with this influx of 'coming of age' literature and film I've been consuming. I've been reading through John Green's works, watching films like 'The Perks of a Wallflower', even my grad script sort of takes me back to when I was a kid. It's like I'm rediscovering my youth. Weird stuff. 

Burgeoning stress about my grad film has already culminated in nice nightmares about me not delegating, no one on set getting fed, being hours behind schedule, and somehow neglecting to do a shot list. Nothing like a production night terror to shake your senses at 3am on a Saturday. Mark Ruffalo was there saying, 'you know you're two hours behind schedule, right?'

I've made a lot of larger decisions about my grad film that are sourcing a large amount of anxiety/combo/excitement. I hope that I can utilize this semester to produce a near-to shooting script so that I can start wrapping my head around the logistics of a shoot that requires travel and casting in another province. I think I just need to track down some willing individual who can produce for me. But producing is a large, and often unwelcome job offering. I'm confident (sort of) that I can assemble enough of a crew who can commit to the travel and shoot time. Because I think it's going to be a pretty excellent adventure - and what's an adventure without a band of misfits to accompany you?

Finally nailing down a schedule this semester I can fill with reading and taking photos. My schedule is unpleasantly wide open. Now that other student shorts have started, some time has been filled with set work, which I am profoundly grateful for.

I am hoping this semester I can find more time to study directing and cinematography on paper. I am determined that the more subject matter I consume about film, the more I will be able to recall and discuss on a regular basis. For my spring semester project, I've tailored a script to challenge me in alternative ways - more updates on that as they come along. A mocumentary, one performer, imaginary friend spectacular! Though I'm finding it rather unpleasant to be writing and pre-producing two films at once. It's borderline horrific.

I eagerly await spring. When I can hack away at the garden for some stress relief and sun rays.

Hope everyone's January comes to a pleasant end.

Things to check the hell out:

The Birds of Paradise Project

Beasts of the Southern Wild, you should probably just watch it.

Raincity Chronicles - in leiu of January's show being sold out like... forever ago, I've bought tickets for their show in March. Would anyone like to join?

WIFTV Festival!

PuSH Festival

Twenty thirteen.

Happy New Years everyone! I hope the holidays have spoiled you all rotten - and were laden with family, friends and good food. And I hope, for everyone who made them, the new years resolutions are holding up!

The culmination of 2012 took place in Vancouver - my first new years in the city. As 2012 came to and end and 2013 began, the past year begged for some reflections. No large realizations, more... reaffirmations, I think - finding pathways to make myself a stronger, kinder individual - to succeed in what I put my mind to. Pretty standard Auld-Lang-Syne-type stuff.

Resolutions are a rather functional ideology - because they give us this conscious chance to see what we are, what we were and what we want to be. It doesn't necessarily change anything - it's just sort of an internal systems purge, dusting off foggy dreams and memories, maybe wiggling some things around. Sets everything straight again, if only for a little while.

Christmas was good - a long holiday this year, filled with dogs and gingerbread houses and mulled wine. I also got to work with the crew at Café Books over the holidays - which is always superbly prime. Snowshoeing with my folks was tons of fun - though we should have been out doing that more. I got to (finally) read my first John Green book, Looking for Alaska - (which was lovely, I wish I had read it a few years ago), re-read Tolkien's The Hobbit (which made me further rage about the film - which I have so many feels about I don't even know), and got into a volume of Greg Bear's short fiction (I also read a bunch of Kafka, but I don't want to talk about it).

My to-read list this year is monstrous, as is my to-see list. But I am a fan of lists, so this is probably okay. By September of this year, I am going to have two whole other short films shot, one completed, the other going into post. Really got to do that one chin up. Just the one (it's a process). Cooking more and baking more, that's going to be a combo of fun and tough I look forward to. And! Here's a large one - I've got to not wait around for things - there's my big new year's whatever. I can't wait around for occasions, people, miracles, opportunities. Waiting around is for chumps. Gotta go and get it - gotta go get that one chin up. Plus some other stuff.

Most of my education is over, and when it is, I'll be glad to be out. I've got barely a year and a half to make sure I know how to swim. Then it's out to sea with the lot of us.

The sea's a scary place, to be sure. But the second we stop fearing is the second we stop learning, creating and moving forward - and, to layer on the cheese, we stop living.

Life's all about the cheese.

All you poor souls going back to school this week (as one of you, I sympathize) - Have a good semester!

And thus ends my blog post filled with secrets in parenthesis.

Things to keep up with/check out/feast your eyes upon:

Keep up with Rheanna Toy's short film NINA, going into production sooon!

The Rain City Chronicles has a show coming up this month, and I really can't bail on it this time. Tickets are twelve bucks and it's at the Orpheum. There is no excuse to miss hanging out at the Orpheum.

I made a video, because I took my camera out for one day while I was on holidays, and I was going to do something with the footage (damn it).

Snowshoeing in the Bow Valley from Laurel K Brown on Vimeo.