Pie in the Sky July

"By the time it came to the edge of the Forest the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and, being grown-up, it did not run and jump and sparkle along as it used to do when it was younger, but moved more slowly. For it knew now where it was going, and said to itself, 'There is no hurry. We shall get there someday.'"

I had an nice post going describing how June was going, but alas. It never made it out before June was done speeding past. And now July's a good chunk through. By September I'll be wondering where the hell my summer's gone.

Old news to some but, after some fighting and some deliberating, turns out, instead of making a graduate film this year, I'm going to be making an independent short. Which sounds a thousand times more terrifying, but infinitely more challenging and exciting. This project I'm shooting this August no longer bears that 'film student' pallor. It's super 16, it's indie, it's in Canmore, and it's mine.

The past couple months were a little strange with things just dribbling by, not much to do. I'm now two weeks into my new job - in Banff! - and things are finally picking up. I've got a lot of video projects with work to power through, meeting and working with tons and tons of new people. It's especially nice to be working in an environment with students and employees of all ages. It's really getting me back into the practice of actually talking to people about something other than film or school.

And in terms of my film next month; crew is coming together, gear is being booked, drafts are being assembled into something that is hopefully intriguing. With my next draft, visuals will start crashing together and I can really get the sights and sounds of this film together in my brain. My only disappointment this far is the lack of commitment I have seen out of peers from Vancouver. But thankfully, some old friends from Alberta are coming to my rescue!

For a few weeks there, I was feeling rather doubtful about my short film - the largest question of all being "Why should I even make this film?" - since I have spent a great deal proving to myself that this film means a lot to me in story, in experience, and in end product. After two months of being well set up to be on track, I suddenly felt that nothing was going to get done. This was also during my time where I didn't have too much to do in the summer. Because given infinite time to think about anything, it seems very easy to find doubt in everything. Those stress fractures sooner or later become voids - and their increasing number makes it difficult to avoid them all. The minute you look up at that horizon, it's inevitable that you're going to end up stepping in something negative. There's a lot of things I've got to keep balanced for this project, and I think the most important thing is the head on my shoulders. It's going to be a ton of work, and I've got a ton of work to do between now and then. But it's happening, and it's going to get done. And it's going to be great.

Over the past month or so, I have been considering what my ideal path would be post post-secondary. It seems to change each year with some trepidation, but the more I talk about this new plan, the more I think it is the wisest and most constructive idea yet. I'm considering moving back to Alberta - either to Calgary or to Edmonton - to engage in a different kind of provincial film business. There are many reasons why this, to me, would be the best place to be - but I think a move from Vancouver will be healthy. Thinking about it, there isn't much keeping me there - when I think of what I would leave behind, it would be very little. A few friends, a year-round gardening season, and an aquarium. No connections robust enough to lead to creative collaboration in the long term, no leads to jobs in my field. I guess my cure-all for this is just pick up and move to somewhere that is generally friendlier, less costly, and somewhere where I could separate myself from my University stint, start fresh - and jump into my career.

Even being out of Vancouver for a couple weeks has me in a weird zen state. It's quiet here. I can see the stars. I can walk everywhere. A lot more people walk around with smiles here. It's got a groove I understand.

I hope to someday refer to my years in Calgary as my 'gathering street cred years' - an experience/connection platform that will vault me back to Vancouver, maybe to Toronto, or fling me farther out. 

Something I've been ruminating on lately is the surprising polarity between people who are generally accepting in their lives, and those who are not. This, perhaps, in light of me trying to get out there and date a bit (which has been an extra smooth combination of awful and hilarious), and having interesting conversation with peers on the topic of relationships. Relationships are weird. That's pretty much all I've discerned about life from this whole experience.

A book I've been reading lately has gotten me thinking about the base 'goodness' of a human being. Freedom by Jonathan Franzen. It is a lengthy book encompassing the strange, passionate lives of a modern family who set out to be good - but by their own blindness, ignorance, shame, or greed, they find it is difficult to change, difficult to surpass the past. I don't often read fiction like this because I've never really understood it. But I think after this year in particular, I am starting to understand the nature of 'The Mistake' (whatever that means) and it's life-long effect on every person I will ever meet. New fiction gives me all sorts of things to mull around in my brain, this one perhaps a little more melancholic, but a good learn (and an interesting read) nonetheless.

I've got two very important mantras for this year coming up. I believe this final year of school will prove to be more emotionally than academically challenging, now that the game has changed.

1. Burn no bridges. (Even if you dislike those bridges - even if those bridges have no respect for you)

2. Be honest. Be kind.

It's going to be important to keep an even keel as things happen around me this fall. Essentially "keep your eye on the ball" has never been a more important sports philosophy for life in general.

Happy summer, all!

Things to look at:

Congratulations to all you SFU kids who made it into the Montreal Film Festival's student competition!

If there's one thing I enjoy in this world it's production photos - Edgar Wright has been featuring Shaun of the Dead ones recently and it is super great

This from BriTANick

Nautilus - a lovely little online publication exploring science, philosophy, and culture

It's Not Quite the Time

Short post today. Not much going on.

I'm going into my sixth and final year of university this September, and it feels bizarre. High school feels like only a couple of years ago, while at the same time it feels like ancient history. It's rather disorienting.

In the wake of my last five years in Vancouver, I think I've come to fear that the amount I have grown is negligible to the time I have spent in this city. Maybe I expected more of a noticeable change, being in University, living independently, working different jobs, being around different people, et cetera. I'm sure I've changed, just as sure as I've aged, but it's very difficult to see being in such close proximity to myself all of the time.

My life goal wasn't ever to 'be a film student'. But somehow in my post-secondary education, that's what its kind of feeling like. Like there's nothing beyond graduation, nothing beyond GPAs. I've had my head down for most of my University career, sort of staring at my film student feet. With a year left, it's really about time I stared to augment how I look at my role in the grand scheme of things. A year from now my career as a student will be quite over, and I hope things will be quite different. My stress levels await the day I can not care about what a stranger grades a final exam as in a class that has nothing to do with my major. I can dream.

This summer's off to a very slow start - having not landed a job immediately after the semester ended, I'm stranded in a weird limbo between employment in July and unsure of what to do on a day-to-day basis. I've been gardening (on days that it doesn't rain, which seem few and far between lately), sewing a bit, catching up on some reading. I saw Star Trek twice. But really, I don't have much to do. Sigh.

As things are gearing up to shoot my next short film in August, I feel the usual stress and pressure of a looming shoot date - but in a rather controlled and measured way. The game has changed a little in regards to my preparation and drive going into next year, and I feel that everything is slowly, but surely coming together. Every day I try and get something lined up or figured out. As much as I would have liked a producer or a production manager this time through, I think with all of the time on my hands now, I've got some time to do some creative, as well as bureaucratic planning. Getting all of my ducks in a row.

Sorry for the short, jumping-about post. My brain is everywhere!

Things to check out (a lot of things):

Female Voice in the Film Industry panel, coming up this Wednesday

Spaces and Reservations is up with it's own website and Tumblr

Will Romines is on Tumblr! With photography!

SFU film grad Paula McGlynn's lovely blog

I finally checked out the wonder that is Brain Scoop - it's a very, very cool series

This is Water by David Foster Wallace

The Feminist Anthropologist

Just in case you missed it - one of my favourite humans singing in space

A cool history of space-safe food from Tested

Moving Forward: Reflections on three years of film school (sort of)

Well, another screening has come and gone. Another year of university has done the same. Relieved and incredibly nervous that this time next year I'll be headed out of my post-secondary career and out into the deep end.

The SFU 3rd Year Screening: Free was two Thursdays ago, and it was tremendous - thank you to everyone who came out to see our films. 'A Spoonful of Sugar' was pleasantly received. It was great to show something in the theater again, I always forget what that rush is like. My classmates' films were absolutely top-notch, and I've got to say it's our best screening yet. I can't wait to see what everyone pulls off next year.

That end of semester stretch.

End of semesters are always tough. This year's got me in a nice time-bind, with two major creative project deadlines and a final exam in under 24 hours. The exams and papers are a little easier to make happen, but the creative endeavours are a little harder to work through on a fierce time frame. It doesn't do nice things to my brain. Alas. The semester's nearly done.

Vancouver's been treating us to some supreme-stellar weather these past two weeks, and my only regret is having to sit in front of a computer pretty much all the way until the 18th of April. Plans for the summer and the shoot in August are forming up slowly - pulling resources together, pulling a script together. I'm so excited to be shooting on the Arri SR-3, on a medley of stocks from Kodak and Fuji. I'll be picking up my Kodak stocks this week and starting to book gear at the same time. It feels like a lot to bring together in the next month or so, but with each step forward, I feel a little more sure that I will be successful in this endeavour. 

The garden sits outside and taunts me, most days. Still overgrown with last year's remnants, come April it'll all be dug up, soil supplemented, seeds started. I can't wait to get out into the sun and get a little work done with my hands.

This summer will yield very few surprises, it's straight shooting until August. I've got to do a great deal of saving/budgeting to make it through til post with my grad film (I can't wait until it has a title, so I can stop calling it 'my grad film'). I'm hoping to get a lot of reading done - I've got a stack of books on filmmaking, directing, cinematography and photography to work through. 

I'm really getting a kick out of an anthology of short stories I picked up at the library last semester. I read a quote by Truman Capote on writing posted somewhere on Tumblr and decided to try reading through some of his work. I have become completely enthralled by his writing style - very visceral - he describes things in such a way that you can, for an instant, feel them. One passage from House of Flowers, "Ottilie was used to boldly smiling at men; but now her smile was fragmentary, it clung to her lips like cake crumbs." It's absolutely fantastic. The stories range from the 1940s to the 1980s and are an absolute pleasure to read. I'm hoping to pick up some of his novels this summer. For those who appreciate an author who weaves their poetry in such a wonderful way so as you want to read them aloud, I recommend Capote.

I'm finally getting out to take some 35mm stills tonight. Lucky one of my classes gives me an excuse. I haven't had a chance to take my new Nikon FA out for a spin this year. It should garner some supreme results. I'm taking some 400 speed black and white out at sunset to see what I can capture.

I had fun rough draft-procrastinating by doing up my titles with ink and brush, scanning them, then putting them through colourizing and prism filters for a unique credit sequence I'm pretty excited for.

With the screening of A Spoonful of Sugar and the preproduction of my grad film commencing, it seems there's very little room in my brain for much else. Which I definitely don't mind.

Happy Easter everyone! Enjoy the sunshine, and happy editfest 2013.




Things to check out!

Our screening! Don't forget! SFU Woodwards on April 18th
I started a film work-specific Twitter account
Colonel Chris Hadfield's Tumblr 
A film hasn't punched me in the heart for a while, but this one did

Multiple-front pre-eminent disaster.

Well, now that I've rung in my twenty-second year on this planet - I've got to say, it feels like the past year has been this set-up to make this year one of change, opportunity, and brain-building. It sort of feels like I'm stepping off of a high wall into something uncertain, but good. But I have a feeling I've probably said something to that effect before. Who can say.

There's a deep foreboding hedgehog that's sitting in the pit of my stomach concerning this spring. Summer will be a time of busy-ness and celebration - but between now and then, I'm not so sure. It's either a bad bit of deja-vu or some new fangled thing, but something's not quite right. We'll cross that dubious bridge when we come to it.

I'm just beginning to cut my film for this semester. I'm battling through my dislike of the post-production process, syncing sound is slow - the assembly cut is slow. But it's all coming together. I've got some great, hand-drawn titling I'm doing - the film now officially being called "A Spoonful of Sugar" (thanks, Joel). After spending the most pretentious hour of my life surfing the 'typography' tag on Tumblr, I got some super ideas of lines, patterns and fonts to doodle around with. I'm looking forward to seeing the final product.

I set up a new set of challenges going into production for this film, and I think I'll come out the other side better for it (as we often do). I had a great little cast and crew working with me - and save the date: our screening is going to be on April 18th at the David Mowafaghian Cinema at Simon Fraser University Woodwards at Hastings and Abbot. It's free! And there's nothing better than filled seats to us filmmakers.

Now that we're into March, the preproduction process concerning my grad film is fumbling along. Having made the first half of my film stock purchase from Fujifilm, I now open my fridge every day to stare at six rolls in square cans patiently waiting for their time to come. My current trepidation is breaking my script back down to the essentials and building something that is worthy to be shot on the last little bit of super 16mm in manufacture. No pressure or anything, brain. I'm really hoping to externalize some very internal feelings with my last student short. It's something I'm dreadful at, but I think taking a step back and looking at how I tend to internalize things could help me create something wonderful and bold - an adventure in self-discovery through collaboration and filmmaking. (So exciting!)

I'm looking forward to building a crew and a plan to get everyone out to Alberta late August. As much as I don't enjoy pre-production, having it all come together on that first shoot day is just a fantastic feeling. I'm looking forward to the adventure. My most ambitious shoot to date.


I had a dream recently (yeah, I'm going to talk about my dreams), my first with having to do with a long-lasting, subconscious need to forgive. After reading Looking for Alaska by John Green, I had a weird mental suturing occur between feelings I had been having regarding the loss of a friend, and my reluctance to relinquish those feelings that stuck around after. I think about it often, and the dreams I have had regarding the loss have been numerous - but this one was different, it's not closure by any means - but perhaps something working towards it. It's refreshing to find a piece of fiction that affected me so thoughtfully and positively. And sometimes a revisit to young adult fiction is just what my heart needs.

On the other end of that story, I also recently had, what I'm going to call, my first 'rage' dream. From which I woke up thinking I had yelled all my issues with everything at everyone and it felt pretty good. My brain's sending signals.

I've got a very bizarre inkling to write again. Write novels. And I'm having a hard time separating it from the weird-things-I-do-when-I-procrastinate feeling or something very genuine and real. Who knows! We'll see what's left when summer settles.

Twenty-thirteen has already been moulded into a collection of cliché war-room abstractions: rising to the occasion; riding out there and meeting the challenge head on. A less neutral body has more enemies, but closer friends. To stir the pot... and so on.

I feel somewhat courageous, like I woke up one day and put my sassy pants on... and they haven't really come off.

Spring's on it's way. I know because my eyes are super itchy all the time. I can't wait to get out in the garden once this rain lets up. I can't wait for sunshine and heat and freckles.



Things you should probably check out:

I finally got to go to the Rain City Chronicles - hop on that train because it's great.
A reminder that The Featured Creature exists.
Never been to the Stormcrow? Go to there.
Check out this double feature at the Vancity theater this month!
Want a home page?
Shout out to a film project! Resonance by David Kelso and Russell Hirsch - they're shooting this fall!

Two times preproduction

I can't believe we're T minus nine days from February already.

This year has already become about focusing and finding out what I need to succeed, creating a perpetual motion machine out of passion and drive - accepting certain truths, and adapting to them. Being clear-headed, ultimately. Unraveling the rhetorical surrounding self-improvement.

It's funny how I'm rediscovering the excitement of finding like-souls. When I come home from the odd set or an event, it's like I could be coming home from elementary school and wanting to tell my mom about the new friend I made. But then I get to thinking how weird it is to not be telling my mom about that kind of stuff is. Growing up is weird. This weirdness is all combined with this influx of 'coming of age' literature and film I've been consuming. I've been reading through John Green's works, watching films like 'The Perks of a Wallflower', even my grad script sort of takes me back to when I was a kid. It's like I'm rediscovering my youth. Weird stuff. 

Burgeoning stress about my grad film has already culminated in nice nightmares about me not delegating, no one on set getting fed, being hours behind schedule, and somehow neglecting to do a shot list. Nothing like a production night terror to shake your senses at 3am on a Saturday. Mark Ruffalo was there saying, 'you know you're two hours behind schedule, right?'

I've made a lot of larger decisions about my grad film that are sourcing a large amount of anxiety/combo/excitement. I hope that I can utilize this semester to produce a near-to shooting script so that I can start wrapping my head around the logistics of a shoot that requires travel and casting in another province. I think I just need to track down some willing individual who can produce for me. But producing is a large, and often unwelcome job offering. I'm confident (sort of) that I can assemble enough of a crew who can commit to the travel and shoot time. Because I think it's going to be a pretty excellent adventure - and what's an adventure without a band of misfits to accompany you?

Finally nailing down a schedule this semester I can fill with reading and taking photos. My schedule is unpleasantly wide open. Now that other student shorts have started, some time has been filled with set work, which I am profoundly grateful for.

I am hoping this semester I can find more time to study directing and cinematography on paper. I am determined that the more subject matter I consume about film, the more I will be able to recall and discuss on a regular basis. For my spring semester project, I've tailored a script to challenge me in alternative ways - more updates on that as they come along. A mocumentary, one performer, imaginary friend spectacular! Though I'm finding it rather unpleasant to be writing and pre-producing two films at once. It's borderline horrific.

I eagerly await spring. When I can hack away at the garden for some stress relief and sun rays.

Hope everyone's January comes to a pleasant end.

Things to check the hell out:

The Birds of Paradise Project

Beasts of the Southern Wild, you should probably just watch it.

Raincity Chronicles - in leiu of January's show being sold out like... forever ago, I've bought tickets for their show in March. Would anyone like to join?

WIFTV Festival!

PuSH Festival