Coming to.

I found a quote I rather enjoyed today, I have a feeling it will encompass the coming year:

“…throw roses into the abyss and say: ‘here is my thanks to the monster who didn’t succeed in swallowing me alive.’”

-	Friedrich Nietzsche

Then I picture that monster as some sort of Kaiju, then I feel pretty cool. Like walking away from an explosion in slow motion.

And here's a post filled with weird brain eddies, et cetera.

It's been a week or two of quiet contemplation, for sure. Sitting on the unprocessed footage of 'My Old Flame' has me in a right state of perma-panic, but that's alright? Probably? It's burning holes in my stomach lining, but here's hoping it'll all be worth it.

Every so often, this thing occurs: That blinking into the light moment after you have seen or read something that rings so rightly with you. It's like coming a step closer to a version of yourself that demonstrates some semblance of completion. It's happened a couple times with things I have read or seen in the past little while. It's liberating to know a piece of literature or a film can still change how you think in such profound ways - it reminds me just how mailable our lives our, and the possibilities that spawn from that.

Along that same vein of consciousness; this week, I've spent some time looking at my weaknesses and evaluating them along with my strengths. The mind's capable of a universe of thoughts - it's nice to be reminded every now and again of what you're actually capable of. Which, give or take, a whole universe of things. It's especially important to remember when you feel a little pinned down by routine and general responsibility. This last year of school already has me in a box. I've been at it so long, it's hard to imagine what life's going to be like when I get 'out'.

The game here is learning control, funnelling growth into the proper avenues. Even when the grind of school is in it's sixth year of... grinding.

I say this every year, and every year the inkling gets a little more... intense. I used to write, I used to write a lot. Not scripts - but stories. They were vast and took me on journeys that I have yet to forget. I have a feeling that this year is a good year to remember that I can write - maybe not critical essays on Arabic cinema, but tall tales. Upon putting pen to paper, I find that I am immediately overwhelmed with the possibilities (and impossibilities) of a whole, completed project - which never used to happen. I would sit down in front of a notebook, and, without an ending in mind, just take these characters through their lives. The end happened when it felt I could make it happen - the end wasn't a means to an end - if that makes sense. But hopefully I can get over this irritating snag and just start freehanding some things that bring some of that ability back.

The semester's now two weeks in. Summer hasn't left yet - which has made the start to my 'fall' confused, humid, and always a little too warm. I find myself pining for cooler days, sweaters, electric blankets, and spicy hot beverages.

However, I'm sure those days will arrive, and I will pine for the sun. The grass is always greener.

I hope everyone has had a constructive start to their semesters!

Things to check out:

FrAcTured is a Fringe festival performance starring the astounding Rachelle Tomm! Check it out! There are only a couple of performances left! I've got my ticket for Friday!

Have you seen NBC's Hannibal, yet? Ho-ly crap.

Multiple-front pre-eminent disaster.

Well, now that I've rung in my twenty-second year on this planet - I've got to say, it feels like the past year has been this set-up to make this year one of change, opportunity, and brain-building. It sort of feels like I'm stepping off of a high wall into something uncertain, but good. But I have a feeling I've probably said something to that effect before. Who can say.

There's a deep foreboding hedgehog that's sitting in the pit of my stomach concerning this spring. Summer will be a time of busy-ness and celebration - but between now and then, I'm not so sure. It's either a bad bit of deja-vu or some new fangled thing, but something's not quite right. We'll cross that dubious bridge when we come to it.

I'm just beginning to cut my film for this semester. I'm battling through my dislike of the post-production process, syncing sound is slow - the assembly cut is slow. But it's all coming together. I've got some great, hand-drawn titling I'm doing - the film now officially being called "A Spoonful of Sugar" (thanks, Joel). After spending the most pretentious hour of my life surfing the 'typography' tag on Tumblr, I got some super ideas of lines, patterns and fonts to doodle around with. I'm looking forward to seeing the final product.

I set up a new set of challenges going into production for this film, and I think I'll come out the other side better for it (as we often do). I had a great little cast and crew working with me - and save the date: our screening is going to be on April 18th at the David Mowafaghian Cinema at Simon Fraser University Woodwards at Hastings and Abbot. It's free! And there's nothing better than filled seats to us filmmakers.

Now that we're into March, the preproduction process concerning my grad film is fumbling along. Having made the first half of my film stock purchase from Fujifilm, I now open my fridge every day to stare at six rolls in square cans patiently waiting for their time to come. My current trepidation is breaking my script back down to the essentials and building something that is worthy to be shot on the last little bit of super 16mm in manufacture. No pressure or anything, brain. I'm really hoping to externalize some very internal feelings with my last student short. It's something I'm dreadful at, but I think taking a step back and looking at how I tend to internalize things could help me create something wonderful and bold - an adventure in self-discovery through collaboration and filmmaking. (So exciting!)

I'm looking forward to building a crew and a plan to get everyone out to Alberta late August. As much as I don't enjoy pre-production, having it all come together on that first shoot day is just a fantastic feeling. I'm looking forward to the adventure. My most ambitious shoot to date.


I had a dream recently (yeah, I'm going to talk about my dreams), my first with having to do with a long-lasting, subconscious need to forgive. After reading Looking for Alaska by John Green, I had a weird mental suturing occur between feelings I had been having regarding the loss of a friend, and my reluctance to relinquish those feelings that stuck around after. I think about it often, and the dreams I have had regarding the loss have been numerous - but this one was different, it's not closure by any means - but perhaps something working towards it. It's refreshing to find a piece of fiction that affected me so thoughtfully and positively. And sometimes a revisit to young adult fiction is just what my heart needs.

On the other end of that story, I also recently had, what I'm going to call, my first 'rage' dream. From which I woke up thinking I had yelled all my issues with everything at everyone and it felt pretty good. My brain's sending signals.

I've got a very bizarre inkling to write again. Write novels. And I'm having a hard time separating it from the weird-things-I-do-when-I-procrastinate feeling or something very genuine and real. Who knows! We'll see what's left when summer settles.

Twenty-thirteen has already been moulded into a collection of cliché war-room abstractions: rising to the occasion; riding out there and meeting the challenge head on. A less neutral body has more enemies, but closer friends. To stir the pot... and so on.

I feel somewhat courageous, like I woke up one day and put my sassy pants on... and they haven't really come off.

Spring's on it's way. I know because my eyes are super itchy all the time. I can't wait to get out in the garden once this rain lets up. I can't wait for sunshine and heat and freckles.



Things you should probably check out:

I finally got to go to the Rain City Chronicles - hop on that train because it's great.
A reminder that The Featured Creature exists.
Never been to the Stormcrow? Go to there.
Check out this double feature at the Vancity theater this month!
Want a home page?
Shout out to a film project! Resonance by David Kelso and Russell Hirsch - they're shooting this fall!