Coming to.

I found a quote I rather enjoyed today, I have a feeling it will encompass the coming year:

“…throw roses into the abyss and say: ‘here is my thanks to the monster who didn’t succeed in swallowing me alive.’”

-	Friedrich Nietzsche

Then I picture that monster as some sort of Kaiju, then I feel pretty cool. Like walking away from an explosion in slow motion.

And here's a post filled with weird brain eddies, et cetera.

It's been a week or two of quiet contemplation, for sure. Sitting on the unprocessed footage of 'My Old Flame' has me in a right state of perma-panic, but that's alright? Probably? It's burning holes in my stomach lining, but here's hoping it'll all be worth it.

Every so often, this thing occurs: That blinking into the light moment after you have seen or read something that rings so rightly with you. It's like coming a step closer to a version of yourself that demonstrates some semblance of completion. It's happened a couple times with things I have read or seen in the past little while. It's liberating to know a piece of literature or a film can still change how you think in such profound ways - it reminds me just how mailable our lives our, and the possibilities that spawn from that.

Along that same vein of consciousness; this week, I've spent some time looking at my weaknesses and evaluating them along with my strengths. The mind's capable of a universe of thoughts - it's nice to be reminded every now and again of what you're actually capable of. Which, give or take, a whole universe of things. It's especially important to remember when you feel a little pinned down by routine and general responsibility. This last year of school already has me in a box. I've been at it so long, it's hard to imagine what life's going to be like when I get 'out'.

The game here is learning control, funnelling growth into the proper avenues. Even when the grind of school is in it's sixth year of... grinding.

I say this every year, and every year the inkling gets a little more... intense. I used to write, I used to write a lot. Not scripts - but stories. They were vast and took me on journeys that I have yet to forget. I have a feeling that this year is a good year to remember that I can write - maybe not critical essays on Arabic cinema, but tall tales. Upon putting pen to paper, I find that I am immediately overwhelmed with the possibilities (and impossibilities) of a whole, completed project - which never used to happen. I would sit down in front of a notebook, and, without an ending in mind, just take these characters through their lives. The end happened when it felt I could make it happen - the end wasn't a means to an end - if that makes sense. But hopefully I can get over this irritating snag and just start freehanding some things that bring some of that ability back.

The semester's now two weeks in. Summer hasn't left yet - which has made the start to my 'fall' confused, humid, and always a little too warm. I find myself pining for cooler days, sweaters, electric blankets, and spicy hot beverages.

However, I'm sure those days will arrive, and I will pine for the sun. The grass is always greener.

I hope everyone has had a constructive start to their semesters!

Things to check out:

FrAcTured is a Fringe festival performance starring the astounding Rachelle Tomm! Check it out! There are only a couple of performances left! I've got my ticket for Friday!

Have you seen NBC's Hannibal, yet? Ho-ly crap.

Nearing the end of preproduction...

Also known as the most anxiety ridden/wonderful time of the year!

When all of those pieces start to come together - and all that stress and worry and hard work has actually culminated into something - that's what's special. When it rains, it pours - and this film was no exception to that strange phenomenon. After stressing about crewing this film (oh, since... say... February), suddenly I am awash with help - from studio space, to people's time, to 'anything you need'. It's fantastic.

Sitting back yesterday, I realized that all of my logistics - after fighting with them for a month or two - are now organically coming together. With my assistant director, and production designer on board, I can now delegate some of the more tedious tasks to others and concentrate on getting the script in shape, and getting the visuals under control.

After casting, the script has become a different animal - and it has been much easier to revise. Knowing my budget/locations/scheduling limits help me form details around things. I know that isn't the proper approach - but going from 'the sky's the limit' in those first few drafts, for me, pairing it down to what is possible is a healthier progression coming into these final drafts.

Something I'm finding this time around, is that I don't actually mind writing, directing, and producing. But I think, in the long run, a career of cinematography with a side-hobby of directing would be the ideal. Even doing a bit of directing during casting reminded me that, somewhere inside my shy person, is a person who can actually talk to people, and more often than not, give generous and constructive feedback. This is something I frequently forget in classroom and workplace environments.

With generous help from Amanda Suhan, Sandra Wheeler, Theatre Alberta, ACTRA Alberta, Calgary Arts Development, William F. White, Panavision, FAVA, Clairmont Camera, and - of course - mom and dad, the production's making a nice transition from preproduction, right into the mighty nitty-gritty. 

It's time to be come best friends with film stock info sheets, and storyboards.

Things to Check Out:

I was interviewed by Meagan Clark for CKUA's ArtBeat! If you missed it, check out the episode online (August 11th).

Werner Herzog's short documentary about texting and driving - realizing that it isn't something people do maliciously, but it's something that can be avoided by being consious of the world around you.

Keep an eye out for the Canadian Youth Film Festival! My Favourite Things was just submitted - it should be a great night!

Remember to keep up with production on my twitter: agrio_therium!

The fungus among us.

February is sure going to be busy. Hopefully, a good kind of busy. Shooting films with different people in different places. Books to read, scripts to write.

I spent this past weekend out at Bowen helping shoot some pick ups for a grad film. I love traveling for shoots - it's all hard work, adventure, getting to know people better. There is really nothing like it. It's a life and travel experience all wrapped up into one; as most adventures are destined to be. We met a pub dwelling bull dog named Porsha. I also took an active field survey by photographing every fungus, lichen and slime mould species I could find in a swamp. I'm having an absurdly good time having a higher quality camera packaged with my cell phone.

I love Bowen and I love the Gulf Islands. This year I'm going to start collecting a super adventure package, which will consist of a bicycle, a tent and provisions for one-man travel. Next summer, I'd like to island hop. I wont have the money to travel internationally for some time, but the Gulf Islands will be short-term symptom relief for my wanderlust. A way to experience the west coast alone, and visit all of the tide pools for as long as I want. An entire day at Grandma's Beach catching baby rock fish? I do what I want. It's going to be wonderful.

I think I've mentioned before the apparent importance of introspection this year. Introspection is always on the backburner - but this year it's like I've lived enough that now I can see more of the expanse. I Can see patterns in people, patterns in myself. The fact that we're all behaviours wrapped up in mammal meat. For the past month I've been unbelievably distracted by thoughts of 'what ifs' and 'could bes', I've found it incredibly difficult to focus, especially so because January didn't have a whole lot going on. I've been wondering what causes me to pin more emotional value on one person than another. How a poor opinion of one person can travel so far. The dichotomy or subsequent unity between two people alone in a room. It's just a lot to be pent up in my brain, a lot of things that don't have simple answers. In order to have control, I need to learn and understand when to hold on or let go. Whether it be with people, projects, ideas... I think my brain has turned to stew.

Well, this week I shoot my short film for the semester. I'm looking forward to a simpler set, with a more complex set of motives as a director. I've been preparing as much as I can, but the true test will be on the day. Other than youths and friends, I haven't directed much. So here's to that learning curve. And it's all about keeping up with the curve.

2013 may be the year of the most giant mulling-things-over I've had yet.

Things you should check out:

Women in Film and Television Vancouver Film Fest! Their line up was just released, get in on that! Rumour has it there's a launch party on the 21st - anyone want to be my birthday date?

Continue to keep up with Canadian Framelines! They're traveling across Canada - maybe they're coming by your neighborhood?

If you're not already familiar - Scout Magazine! Filled with Vancouver awesomeness.

Lacking a date this valentines? Go on a blind date with a book.

Oh, and the Vancouver Aquarium now has wobbegongs.

Oh bother.

“When you see someone putting on his Big Boots, you can be pretty sure that an Adventure is going to happen.” 

― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Smaller, more feeble brainstorms

Fall's here. There are large spiders amassing some sort of army in my back yard. There is a single pumpkin in the pumpkin patch. There are large scale brainstorms taped to my bedroom wall. And we go to picture in three weeks! It's this extreme combo of explosive excitement and withering fear. It's a tremendous rush, this challenge. I know there are going to be many that are similar in nature to it, but never twice the same. 

I'm so excited to have other people excited about my project. It's like... extrapolated excitedness. I've gotten a pile of submissions for auditions, and I just feel grateful Vancouver has such a large, strong and many-tiered acting community. Casting is something I've never done on my own before, and it's a combination of waiting, scheduling, papers (flying everywhere), but ultimately, I'm finding the experience quite rewarding. A few friends have really helped me out in getting my 'casting legs' and I really owe them a great deal. Especially when I text them with panicked, insignificant questions at all hours; 'SO WHAT IF THIS HAPPENS', 'DO I NEED TO DO THIS?', 'WHAT IF EVERYONE HATES ME?!' etc.

The beginnings of much, much larger brainstorms

I'm doing all of these new things like casting and prop renting and gear renting and doing a bunch of copyright research (oh god). It's hurdle after hurdle, but everything is quite attainable. Often through the  help of other souls' wisdom and Google, that is. There are so many ways to go about getting things done in pre-production. Although, I know it would be tons easier with a production manager, I see great value in stepping through the process a few times alone, seeing how I fare - taking the time to recognize how long some of these processes take and the hoops you've got to jump through sometimes to get an answer. I don't know, I'm pretty stoked on it.

It seems every week has a bit of a 'themed worry', i.e. last week I flipped about gear shortages combo money shortages and having to deal with rental houes. This week, the theme seems to be casting jitters (large LARGE casting tremors). Next week, whooo knooows. Probably props. Let's just call next week, 'The week Laurel freaks about props'. By the time we go to picture, everything will come full circle. We'll finish shooting, I'll go into short term hibernation (also called torpor, hummingbirds do it - science!), disappear for a few days, then come back relatively right as rain. By then I can stress about editing until the end of tiiiime. Hopefully, I can budget my time (ha) to accomodate some tiny, but rich, stop motion animated scenes into my film (which also might have a sort of working title now) - I got pretty amped on stop motion again after seeing ParaNorman.

I bought a new tea pot, I am pleased

It's pretty great to be writing again. The screenwriting class I have semester has been a lot of work so far, but it just sort of opened up some doors that haven't been opened for some time. The class demands fairly large assignments each week, but they're very open. The more I get to writing, the easier it comes to me, the more I enjoy it. Whether I am improving or not is to be seen, but it's becoming less of a chore.

Anyways.

Sorry the photos are so boring this week. I'm waiting for some 35mm film scans to come back from the lovely humans at CustomColor and Beau Photo. Then there will be so many photos!

It's inching towards sweater weather people, break out 'dem long sleeves!

Feast your brain upon:

I definitely got stuck in a YouTube loop with Vsauce 2 the other day. Just a short, periodically released video about cool mechanics and tech. Plus! There's links to anything, so you can do some learnin'.

An awesome article on this nutburgers sabre-toothed herbivore that once roamed the Earth.

Check out the fundraiser for the City of Vancouver Archives! Old photographs! Huzzah!

The event of the year, second only, maybe, to Christmas - VIFF kicked off today! Pick up a catalogue and pick out some new, wild things to see! Also come visit! I'm volunteering at the wonderful, wonderful Vancity Theater.

Super-congratulations to Sophie Jarvis, a recent film graduate of SFU, who landed her short grad film 'Worst Day Ever' at VIFF (amongst a bunch of other festivals) make sure you catch it in the short program Break Even!

Choch!

I've got to say, getting to know Brendan Prost over the past 8 months has been inspiring. He was making feature films before he even set foot in the film program at Simon Fraser University. Generation Why, Prost's second feature,  premiered in Calgary last summer and I nabbed a DVD of it this past fall. I was blown away by the fact that a fellow student had already achieved such a standing in the film community, with numerous screenings and DVD sales, not to mention the fact that it took home the Rising Star Award at the Canada International Film Festival. The drive and determination needed to complete a feature are two things I have yet to muster as a filmmaker - but seeing is believing, and with Prost's feature-per-summer game plan, it's quite the motivation to get off your keester and make some films of your own! It is possible, ladies and gentlemen, you've just got to have the drive and ambition to do it!

Screening this month in Calgary Prost's next feature, Choch, gives us some mulling over to do about that image in the mirror we preen and obsess over every day.

Via Brendan Prost's Flickr Photostream

I was lucky enough to see Choch at it's premier in Vancouver on April 15th (such a late review, I'm such a horrible person, apologies). Choch is a conversation in identity and the trials we put ourselves through to fit into a clique or a culture. Tyler is a choch, stoked on Jagerbombs, decked in Ed Hardy, and surrounded by friends who are rowdy and obtuse. We've all seen these stereotypical 20-somethings wandering the malls and prowling the clubs with popped collars. Our protagonist Tyler, we discover, isn't this insensitive, chauvinistic husk of a young adult we have come to expect from that caricature. He finds himself conflicted - unable to feel quite right in his social group. Putting up this tough exterior has become commonplace, but Tyler develops an acute, conscientious doubt concerning his identity. The things he has said and done start to disgust him and he begins to reevaluate this persona he has created. He can drop the charade, become an outcast to that social circle and have to look for new companionship, or keep it up - maintaining that group of "friends", perpetuating that stereotype, but retaining that safety net/comfort zone.

Not only was the identity of youth under scrutiny, but the masquerades that parents put on were also on trial. Choch presents the facades that adults find themselves putting up to impress, say, a date with a new woman - case in point: Tyler's father. The remoulding of one's interests to cater to that of another, in this case an internet date and a sudden interest in jazz, becomes just another face to put on in the morning to maintain that relationship, however strained and uncomfortable.

I felt Choch added a sort of middle ground to these stereotypical conflicts we are so familiar with - these social groups that seem so black and white. The Greasers and the Socs, the T-Birds and the Pink Ladies, the territorial lunchroom tables in high school. Culture cliques whose elitist dispositions always end in naive misunderstandings. In Choch we see Tyler strive to maintain an awkward friendship with an old friend, whose own social qualms manifest themselves in skinny jeans and obscure bands you've never heard of. Both characters are limited by the identities they have spun around themselves and the safety they feel they have in their cliques.

Choch was leaps and bounds ahead of Generation Why both technically and from a storytelling perspective. Prost coaxed some amazing performances out of his leading man, Zach White, and used a considerable amount of ad-libbed dialogue that provided smooth and believable conversations. Shot on a couple of Sony HDR FX-1000s on a shoestring budget, Choch develops a distinct visual style via handheld camerawork, black and white footage and tight, rapid cuts. Prost's filmmaking abilities improve astronomically with every picture - the sky's the limit. Keep your eye on this one!

Become a Facebook fan!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - independent films rely on word of mouth and shout outs to get their names out there. Become a fan, invite your friends to an event, write a review - anything and everything helps! Support truly independent film - spread the word!

A trailer! For you!

Choch - Trailer from Brendan Prost on Vimeo.

A personal invite! To you!

Choch - Screening Series Invitation from Brendan Prost on Vimeo.

Also, check out the films review at The Independent Critic!

I'm sort of really horrible at writing reviews/critiques. I accept this. Go see Choch.

The end of the semester and Creature 003.

  Happy end of April! It's been one hell of a month, I'm not going to lie. It seems that life is becoming increasingly dense and uncertain and bizarre. I definitely am not minding it as much as I thought I would!

  I had a super two days with my pal Aerlan this week. It was a super surprise because he was supposed to mosey on down to Seattle for a visit. First, we went to a super hot pot place down on Victoria Drive (highly recommended - Fatty Cow Seafood Hot Pot!) where we partook in a little bit of everything, which included some "out of the comfort zone" foods such as oysters, liver and kidney. It was pretty tasty, except for the weird things. But, hey - now I can say, "I've totally eaten pork kidney," which I suppose I can consider a point of pride? The next day we had a super marathon of The Outsiders, American Graffiti and MASH followed by a strange dinner at a shifty Chinese food place that had horrible service - but hey, all the restaurants you walk into randomly can't be winners.

  I had a great dinner with my friend Amanda when she came through town on her way to spend a glorious year in Taiwan (take a peek at her travel blog!) when we walked around on Kingsway searching for some chow. We came across a strange place called Mega Grill. Seemed to have a little bit of everything. Lamb souvlaki for ten bucks (no objections here!) followed by surprise belly dancing. Yes, belly dancing. It was cool for about a minute before it got horribly awkward in that tiny restaurant. But again - it was a curious experience, and I'm starting to not mind those.

With school over - films screened and exams all wrapped up, I finally got around to sewing a bit this week. Creature 003 is up on Etsy! I think his limbs turned out pretty adorable, as did his teeth and eyebrows. The overall shape of him is kind of funny - but hopefully someone will give him a happy home! Sewing on my days off was such a zen experience. I'd put on some Star Trek Next Generation and stitch all afternoon! I'm looking forward to seeing what sort of felties I create all summer long! Remember to keep an eye out on my Etsy shop. I'm really going to be trying to spruce it up and keep it nice and stocked up from now until Christmas! So many felties!

I ended up taking a couple of courses over the summer - but with only one day actually affected by this I've been plotting out my summer beyond the work place. I'm bummed out I have to work so much - but its something I've been slowly coming to terms to, the fact that I'll be working jobs like this for quite some time. But I've got a solid job that pays alright, and I'll hang on to it until a better opportunity comes a long.

The end of the semester has really brought a change in mindset for me. I think the past four months have really gotten the ball rolling in a sort of "mental maturation" that had been overdue for a happening. After eight months of film school and meeting some of the most fantastic people, I think I've really started to gain new perspectives and at least get a foot hold in the seemingly unscalable wall of the lazy, procrastinating and boring self. I've definitely had a shift in my mind set and it seems that I'm much more positive and am regaining the passion and drive that I had lost in the previous two years of University.

Creator and Monster - and vise versa

The summer seems bright - I was not looking forward to four months of nose to the grindstone cashier work. But things keep popping up that will break up the monotony. I've told myself that by the end of the summer I want three complete short films written and directed by myself as well as a stop motion done on 16mm and the Bolex. I've got an idea or two that I'm slowly developing for the shorts. I basically just want to get out there and make films. It's something I've never really done. Any project that I've done in the past five years has been for school or a paid gig that I didn't have much interest in. With everything I learned this past year, I think I could really make some personal headway in developing a storytelling and visual technique. It's going to be awesome! Some traveling might be in the future as well - and that's always awesome!

I've got two fellow filmmaker shout outs to make this week:

CHOCH! Filmmaker Brendan Prost - creator of Generation Why - premiered his next feature, Choch, at Woodwards a couple of weeks ago. My review for it should be up in the next few days! Now that he's back in Calgary for the summer he's looking to get the word out. I believe he's going to be announcing some Alberta bound screenings in the next couple days. Choch is fantastic - a look at the identities we find ourselves putting up for the sake of fitting in as youth and as well as adults. Shot on a supremely modest budget, this indie film is worth the trip! Go check out a screening and tell your friends! Independent films greatly depend on word of mouth and small promotions. Prost's work improves with each project - take a gander at his previous work. He's got a new website up!

The Long Road Home! Hailing from Capilano U, Adam and Alex are working their way across country to their home towns in Ontario to start production on their first feature, The Long Road Home. They desperately need your support (and maybe some cash, if you've got any to spare). If you find yourself in Ontario this summer and want to lend a hand, get a hold of them via IndieGoGo! Or drop them a donation or a supportive word or two - whatever you can spare!

Support independent film!

I should really be asleep already, as it's a dense weekend filled with work and house hunting! Yes, I am moving! It's going to be insaaaaane!

I did a bit of a photo shoot of my firebellied toads as I fed them the other day. I've had these toads a very long time and every so often I just need to document their little handsome faces!

In other news, in an attempt to improve my speaking/conversation ability, I have started a video blog for the sole purpose of talking about anything and everything. My first post will be up shortly - but check it out at Kingfisher Says!