Here we go...

"We gather knowledge faster than we gather wisdom."

This semester, I've been working on developing a daily routine. Things I need to do every day, things that need to get done every day, regardless. A medley of tidying, practicing the ukulele, writing, watching a movie or two, doing so much ecology reading. Perhaps in ritual I can get this semester under control and have it maintained in such a state, that in the weeks I approach my shoot, the rest of my life doesn't just... deflate/collapse/spontaneously combust.

Oh yeah. So I'm shooting in five weeks. My first largeish-scale, solo venture.

Broccoli I grew. NBD.

I've got ideas flying all over the place for my first semester film, as well as for my grad film (yeah, that's coming up quicker than I anticipated). Now that I've finally got my first draft completed and my gear list in, the only thing that feels all wiggly and in the way of my confidence is casting - and that's only because I've never done it before and it's a little intimidating. More so because I'm casting a quartet of kids. Oh, and a gear/crew situation that continues to worsten every time I check up on it. But we'll deal with that... later.

The shoot seems like a long ways away at this point, but I know it's going to sneak up on me like nobody's business. But knowing what I want is an incredible feeling. After being stuck on page four of my screenplay since sometime in July, I forced myself to sit down and complete the first draft. No sleep, I said, til it's done. The next day was just astounding (equal parts excitement, accomplishment, and drifting on three hours sleep). My gear list was easy to build, thoughtfully extrapolate and submit. It's so stupendous. I can see how this is going to roll. And I feel it's going to go well.

My excited anxiousness reminds me a lot of my trepidation going into my two productions for first year... except my brain seems so much more organized. There's still fear (if you come onto set one day and you're not afraid, really, what's the point of coming onto set at all), but it's a controlled fear, a much more logical fear. A fear I can get excited about? Maybe? I have a notebook and in it are lists of things, 'current problems', 'potential problems', 'things to avoid'. But these are right alongside the things I feel more positive about - budgets and props, lighting and camera. It's (so far) balancing out to a very zen experience. Everything, right now, seems within my grasp.

To get myself all mentally geared up for my shoot, I've selected a pile of books and DVDs to sort of set me off in similar directions. Either stylistically or inspiring character details or camera angles. I tried to do this last year, but found it very difficult to keep up with how the idea of our film evolved. I seem to have a fairly clear visual look for the film, and the challenge for me in the pre-production phase and on set is making sure that vision is understood by everyone. That's something I had problems with in my second year as well, but that's what's so supreme about third year - you really get to march to the beat of your own drum.

I also bought a uke recently. Yiss.

Coming from a different, but perhaps, equally tumultuous part of my brain, is some thoughts about the relationships between people. I find as I get older, it's easier to observe my actions from a more objective standpoint much sooner after a happening. From these observations, I can kind of patch together some reasons I end up doing things, or reacting the way I do. Fixing habits is much easier said than done, but I think it's a step in the right direction (after all). It's funny how much I get hung up on people, being liked by people. Not even people in general, certain people. While I have people in my life who care, my thoughts often do not go to them first. My thoughts get tossed in this bottomless pit of nothing. It's times like this when I'm reminded how important these characters in my life are, the ones who I can talk to and be myself around.

My older self seems to be gaining insight on my younger self.

To all those embarking on shooting in these coming weeks, best of luck! I look forward to seeing more stupendous work coming out of this year.


Things to look at:

I've started a Tumblr for some of my photos! Badger Brown.

Mantees that calm the soul.