End of January Update

And what a January it's been. It feels like this month's gone by fairly slow, until I look at all of the nonsense that I have/should have gotten done. This next year is going to be chalk full of busyness and work and the careful, tedious process of redeeming myself where I allowed disgrace - while at the same time, maintaining and improving my standing in my community. I see a great deal of opportunity for growth this semester, I think I just need to recognize it as such.

Thanks to a talk to my mom, I can sort of see past some of these things that I'm clinging so desperately to. Those colossal "later on down the road" concepts, really. I'm worried about losing these parts of my life because I'm focusing too much on one thing - namely this career that I hope to build for myself. But in the end, these things will pop up if and when they need to. I have a feeling this semester will teach me quite a bit about relinquishing my hold on some future, not necessarily prospects, but those distant sort of fairy tale matters.

And thanks to a talk I had the very next day with my film group and our instructor, it feels like a twelve pound boa constrictor has been exorcized from my guts. We all got the opportunity to say what none of us were saying to one another. It was becoming rather destructive. It will take time for things to be stitched up completely, but for now I'm very glad that I was able to get that chunk of festering anxiety off my chest and onto the table

I suppose another thing I have to learn is when pursuits become destructive, and to be able to recognize healthy pacing for large endeavors. After six months of over-saturation in what I'm going to call a 'hazardous dip into the deep end' driven by all the wrong reasons, I've had to pull back and start back from square one. Gotta soak my toes in the proverbial ocean before I put my head under.

If that makes any sense. It probably does not.

In less heavy news, I finally filled that hole in my heart (or, as some might say, that empty terrarium I've been carting around for two years) with a new wonderful little being whom I have named Hiccup. He's a Reed Frog, of which variation I have yet to identify. He seems to be doing well, but he's a lonely little fellow. In the event I get new, shiny job (hopefully) soon, I might get him a companion or two.

I've got a few shoots I'm crewing on in February, which is great. I've got a couple days picked during reading week to obtain my Standard First Aid certificate, which is a fairly daunting step - but I'm excited to have that advantage. In the mean time, I'm hoarding references and resume bait to join Women in Film and Television Vancouver. My mom found and suggested this to me a year or so ago and it was, at first, an easy decision for me to dismiss as an 'absolutely not'. For a time, I considered myself, not necessarily 'above' special women's programs for film, but I considered it a bit of a handicap. But in lieu of the last little while, I have recognized my need to take opportunities like these as they arise. Women's presence in film continues to disappoint me, another film student posted this article the other day.

I've been doing a bit of tinkering with felt and crafts. I was rather unmotivated to do much of anything last year, but hopefully I can make a few dollars selling bits and pieces in the next couple of months. I am shamefully poor at the moment.

Some wonderful things I came across this past week:

• Vimeo has a cooking channel. And it's beautiful.
• This man. Cinematographer for Easter Promises, The Empire Strikes Back and The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
• Rock Cottage Year - Gardening and cooking!