Coming to.

I found a quote I rather enjoyed today, I have a feeling it will encompass the coming year:

“…throw roses into the abyss and say: ‘here is my thanks to the monster who didn’t succeed in swallowing me alive.’”

-	Friedrich Nietzsche

Then I picture that monster as some sort of Kaiju, then I feel pretty cool. Like walking away from an explosion in slow motion.

And here's a post filled with weird brain eddies, et cetera.

It's been a week or two of quiet contemplation, for sure. Sitting on the unprocessed footage of 'My Old Flame' has me in a right state of perma-panic, but that's alright? Probably? It's burning holes in my stomach lining, but here's hoping it'll all be worth it.

Every so often, this thing occurs: That blinking into the light moment after you have seen or read something that rings so rightly with you. It's like coming a step closer to a version of yourself that demonstrates some semblance of completion. It's happened a couple times with things I have read or seen in the past little while. It's liberating to know a piece of literature or a film can still change how you think in such profound ways - it reminds me just how mailable our lives our, and the possibilities that spawn from that.

Along that same vein of consciousness; this week, I've spent some time looking at my weaknesses and evaluating them along with my strengths. The mind's capable of a universe of thoughts - it's nice to be reminded every now and again of what you're actually capable of. Which, give or take, a whole universe of things. It's especially important to remember when you feel a little pinned down by routine and general responsibility. This last year of school already has me in a box. I've been at it so long, it's hard to imagine what life's going to be like when I get 'out'.

The game here is learning control, funnelling growth into the proper avenues. Even when the grind of school is in it's sixth year of... grinding.

I say this every year, and every year the inkling gets a little more... intense. I used to write, I used to write a lot. Not scripts - but stories. They were vast and took me on journeys that I have yet to forget. I have a feeling that this year is a good year to remember that I can write - maybe not critical essays on Arabic cinema, but tall tales. Upon putting pen to paper, I find that I am immediately overwhelmed with the possibilities (and impossibilities) of a whole, completed project - which never used to happen. I would sit down in front of a notebook, and, without an ending in mind, just take these characters through their lives. The end happened when it felt I could make it happen - the end wasn't a means to an end - if that makes sense. But hopefully I can get over this irritating snag and just start freehanding some things that bring some of that ability back.

The semester's now two weeks in. Summer hasn't left yet - which has made the start to my 'fall' confused, humid, and always a little too warm. I find myself pining for cooler days, sweaters, electric blankets, and spicy hot beverages.

However, I'm sure those days will arrive, and I will pine for the sun. The grass is always greener.

I hope everyone has had a constructive start to their semesters!

Things to check out:

FrAcTured is a Fringe festival performance starring the astounding Rachelle Tomm! Check it out! There are only a couple of performances left! I've got my ticket for Friday!

Have you seen NBC's Hannibal, yet? Ho-ly crap.

Everything will probably be fine.

Well, we did it. With the generous help of some superb individuals, principal photography on 'My Old Flame' is complete! This week has been a whirl of things that are the opposite of vacationing, but I guess I can vacation when I am dead. After wrapping last Sunday, seeing my Vancouver and Edmonton crew off, and dropping gear back to Calgary on Monday - I shot a series of promotional videos in Canmore for three businesses, took my drivers test (passed, having only had an inking of how to parallel park for about 12 hours), and got home Saturday morning to a city that feels vacant, and yet, is absolutely brimming with noise.

We had a great cast - composed of Rachelle Tomm, Joe Morris, Chelsea Restall, and Joanne Hope.  All wonderful to work with, able to look beyond their lines and right into their character. Plus, our dynamite crew - Daniel Jeffery (assistant director), Christian Lai (gaffer), Nataliya Fedulova (production designer), Justin Madsen (sound), Lauren Tamke (camera assistant), and Amy Diedrich (hair and make-up). We also had some help from Robert - and for our overnight shoot at Café Books - we had the generous super-help of Joy Mclean, Jocey Asnong, and Jasmin Nadeau.

Plus, support from Amanda Suhan, Sandra Wheeler, Sue Girard, Rheanna Toy, Joel Salaysay - and of course, mom and dad - who housed and catered the entire affair, much to their collective horrors. Numerous thanks as well to Panavision, William F Whites, Clairmont Camera, and FAVA.

It's really hard communicating the size of  film set when you're about to move into a location. The people and the gear are always more than they expect. It was even a surprise for my parents, who were slightly overwhelmed by the number of things in their kitchen. Thankfully, we weren't in any space too long, and we had people with decent amount of patience on your side. I made sure we were fully insured, I laid out everything clearly to all of the locations involved. My typical 65% organized was up at about 90%, and that's nice when that happens. I do think it was a success. We got everything done with ample time, everyone was happy (I think), and it's always nice dealing with film. We had only one unloading issue, and one camera trouble shooting issue - which was promptly solved by me throwing batteries around. We cool.

Things I have (re)learned:

1. For the love of god, always ask questions, questions do not hurt

2. Get a crew you like, and who can get a long with each other, especially when the project is on your dime - that one person who's not on the ball can drag the whole thing around

3. It's tough, but you've got to lead a stress example, the moment you become stressed is the moment everyone else becomes stressed and things get messy
4. If your film spaghettis in the change bag, don't panic, even if it turns in a horrible, knotted monster - somewhere there is a beginning of that roll, and an end
5. If you can, get more gear than you need - I supplied my crew with tons of most things, why? Because on a lot of sets I've worked on, there is a lack of one thing that makes everything slog along - whether it's something as inconsequential as tape, clothespins, sandbags - or things like food, drink, and dry socks
6. Stick to your guns - if your vision butts up against an obstacle on set, push right on through - that vision is what will keep this thing together in the end
7. Repeat the mantra: everything will probably be fine

Thank you, everyone - for your ongoing support, your hard work, and your standard of excellence that helped push this production forward!

In this lull that is pre-post-production, and after my relocation to Vancouver - it hardly feels it happened it all. The only telling factor is a stack of 14 rolls of film sitting in my house that wasn't there previously, and a duffel bag in the middle of the kitchen that I am too lazy to unpack. The sooner I can get that film developed, the sooner I can feel like something was accomplished (I mean, something other than a fun shoot). The next steps for me concern a stop motion character who I wrote in (and shot very... unorthodox plates for). The research phase will be a little longer, as he will be a fully articulate figure. I'll be sure to post updates as those arise. 

After an evening of Whistler grapefruit ale on Saturday, and a morning brunch at Thyme to Indulge on Sunday, yesterday was my half day of holiday before getting back into the thick of things. School starts today - it will be an intrepid year of strange things. It feels like there's a bit of a storm on the horizon, but it isn't very clear. There are tons of shoots, and I'm very pleased to be crewing on many of them.

After such a strange, stress-saturated summer, I'm feeling ready, these days, for the cool, sweater-weather of fall. Though, with some bitterness, as I felt I have squandered these summer months in editing suites and not doing anything outdoorsy at all. I picked up some spicy Camino hot chocolate today, so when that damp chilly snap comes, warming beverage and alpaca hair sweaters are in arms reach.

Great news! My fall 2012 film, My Favourite Things, has been selected for the second annual Canadian Young Actors Film Festival! Tickets are $10 for the Gala and Awards on September 21st! More information here! This is the first of my films to be accepted into a festival - I'm super proud of my cast - Eliana, Tytan, and Dawson - pleased as pie! Thank you, as well, to my crew, classmates, and supporters!

Things to look at!

Human Town! A webseries I key gripped on for a few days, produced, in part, by a bunch of SFU grads - it's dark and wonderful, check it out, throw them some support!

Check out SFU grad, Graeme Achurch's film, The Rat on the Contender's Magazine blog!

Chelsea, who played the role of Teddy in 'My Old Flame' also has a blog! Check her out - notes about acting, writing, and life in general

Pop culture ice cream.

One of my favorite Tumblr, second only to Gene Kelly's Butt.

A reminder: Astronaut's advice

Nearing the end of preproduction...

Also known as the most anxiety ridden/wonderful time of the year!

When all of those pieces start to come together - and all that stress and worry and hard work has actually culminated into something - that's what's special. When it rains, it pours - and this film was no exception to that strange phenomenon. After stressing about crewing this film (oh, since... say... February), suddenly I am awash with help - from studio space, to people's time, to 'anything you need'. It's fantastic.

Sitting back yesterday, I realized that all of my logistics - after fighting with them for a month or two - are now organically coming together. With my assistant director, and production designer on board, I can now delegate some of the more tedious tasks to others and concentrate on getting the script in shape, and getting the visuals under control.

After casting, the script has become a different animal - and it has been much easier to revise. Knowing my budget/locations/scheduling limits help me form details around things. I know that isn't the proper approach - but going from 'the sky's the limit' in those first few drafts, for me, pairing it down to what is possible is a healthier progression coming into these final drafts.

Something I'm finding this time around, is that I don't actually mind writing, directing, and producing. But I think, in the long run, a career of cinematography with a side-hobby of directing would be the ideal. Even doing a bit of directing during casting reminded me that, somewhere inside my shy person, is a person who can actually talk to people, and more often than not, give generous and constructive feedback. This is something I frequently forget in classroom and workplace environments.

With generous help from Amanda Suhan, Sandra Wheeler, Theatre Alberta, ACTRA Alberta, Calgary Arts Development, William F. White, Panavision, FAVA, Clairmont Camera, and - of course - mom and dad, the production's making a nice transition from preproduction, right into the mighty nitty-gritty. 

It's time to be come best friends with film stock info sheets, and storyboards.

Things to Check Out:

I was interviewed by Meagan Clark for CKUA's ArtBeat! If you missed it, check out the episode online (August 11th).

Werner Herzog's short documentary about texting and driving - realizing that it isn't something people do maliciously, but it's something that can be avoided by being consious of the world around you.

Keep an eye out for the Canadian Youth Film Festival! My Favourite Things was just submitted - it should be a great night!

Remember to keep up with production on my twitter: agrio_therium!

Booking. Thunder. Casting. Lightning.

August is upon us. Insert typical comment on how time flies here.

I have been in Alberta for five weeks already... my time with the Banff Centre has almost expired... already! As I juggle preproduction and a job that requires a larger amount of creative input than I'm used to, I'm finding myself relatively exhausted. Though, the mountains are a strange source of energy, and of inspiration. Going for tea at the Centre every morning usually comes with the unique pleasure of coming within arms distance of an elk or deer in the crisp grass. Walking through the streets and watching as a thundering storm comes down the valley (there have been a lot of these this year). Whether or not I am able to see things more clearly is up for debate, but I am seeing things differently.

The film is going through various stages of really stressing me out, but I suppose that's the litmus test for learning new things. We had a very decent turn out for auditions - I was pleasantly surprised by the enthusiasm brought into the audition studio by people who had travelled a fair distance to get to me.  We had people from Cochrane, Calgary, Canmore, even Brooks. Some great ideas, thoughts, and criticisms came out of these sessions - I'd say it was a phenomenal first attempt at casting in Alberta. We received interest from CKUA, and a very cool lady named Meagan Clark came out and did a quick interview with me Monday morning. This was very, very cool. Talking about my project to people who want to hear it just gets me going, and forms these lovely creative ebbs that just carry me along through my lengthy preproduction days.

And of course, I will begin thanking people now - even though my thank-yous will continue until this film reaches the eyes of an audience and beyond... much thanks to old film camp friend, Amanda, for being my reader and casting assistant, plus keeping me company for like... twenty hours. And much thanks as well to Sandra, for use of her very nostalgic and fantastic dance studio.

It was great being able to hear my script being read for the first time, and some people brought some really interesting things to their characters. It's a feeling you really remember. The film has never felt more real, more exciting, and now we're really in the deep end.

The entire filmmaking process seems a series of financial and emotional ups and downs, this film providing the biggest yet. I feel a teensy bit bipolar when an e-mail favouring or stomping on my pre-production arrives on my phone and I proceed to act accordingly. If it's good news, yes - I'm awake, I'm ready, let's do this - let's go send more e-mails! If the news is bad - it's the apocalypse, the world is abysmal. In a single thought, it's exhausting. It's a delicate balance I'm not that great at keeping up. As anyone who has probably had to stand a conversation with me for more than 5 minutes in the past month knows.

New Logos are happening while I should
probably be doing other things

As my brain boils in my skull, I've been soothing my soul with Luciano Pavarotti, Tchaikovsky, Shubert... plus, soothing my 12 year old self with Spongebob Squarepants and Adventure Time therapy treatments every day or two. In the past year, I think I've started to understand how to handle myself under stress. (Finally) after five years of post-secondary... stress doesn't mean the whole system grinds to a halt any more. And that is super!

I've assembled a handy little crew, made of a unique blend of SFU film students, SAIT alumni, plus some extras. A bit of good news, or a budget reduction goes a long way. There's a lot of work to be done, as there will be through until the production phase of 'My Old Flame' is complete.

The more time I spend away from Vancouver, the more of this weird relief I feel. It's going to be a busy last year, but I will graduate in the spring, pack up, and move to a new city.

Cheers,

Things to check out:

Please, please, please - check out this TEDtalk by Colin Stokes - "How movies teach manhood"

Shakey Films have a new thing going on - check out the trailer(s) for JIMBO.

The first annual Moonrise Film Fesitival - TONS of SFU content in this one!

I'll probably be Tweeting/Instagraming the crap out of my production - follow Agriotherium Films on the Twitter

Pie in the Sky July

"By the time it came to the edge of the Forest the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and, being grown-up, it did not run and jump and sparkle along as it used to do when it was younger, but moved more slowly. For it knew now where it was going, and said to itself, 'There is no hurry. We shall get there someday.'"

I had an nice post going describing how June was going, but alas. It never made it out before June was done speeding past. And now July's a good chunk through. By September I'll be wondering where the hell my summer's gone.

Old news to some but, after some fighting and some deliberating, turns out, instead of making a graduate film this year, I'm going to be making an independent short. Which sounds a thousand times more terrifying, but infinitely more challenging and exciting. This project I'm shooting this August no longer bears that 'film student' pallor. It's super 16, it's indie, it's in Canmore, and it's mine.

The past couple months were a little strange with things just dribbling by, not much to do. I'm now two weeks into my new job - in Banff! - and things are finally picking up. I've got a lot of video projects with work to power through, meeting and working with tons and tons of new people. It's especially nice to be working in an environment with students and employees of all ages. It's really getting me back into the practice of actually talking to people about something other than film or school.

And in terms of my film next month; crew is coming together, gear is being booked, drafts are being assembled into something that is hopefully intriguing. With my next draft, visuals will start crashing together and I can really get the sights and sounds of this film together in my brain. My only disappointment this far is the lack of commitment I have seen out of peers from Vancouver. But thankfully, some old friends from Alberta are coming to my rescue!

For a few weeks there, I was feeling rather doubtful about my short film - the largest question of all being "Why should I even make this film?" - since I have spent a great deal proving to myself that this film means a lot to me in story, in experience, and in end product. After two months of being well set up to be on track, I suddenly felt that nothing was going to get done. This was also during my time where I didn't have too much to do in the summer. Because given infinite time to think about anything, it seems very easy to find doubt in everything. Those stress fractures sooner or later become voids - and their increasing number makes it difficult to avoid them all. The minute you look up at that horizon, it's inevitable that you're going to end up stepping in something negative. There's a lot of things I've got to keep balanced for this project, and I think the most important thing is the head on my shoulders. It's going to be a ton of work, and I've got a ton of work to do between now and then. But it's happening, and it's going to get done. And it's going to be great.

Over the past month or so, I have been considering what my ideal path would be post post-secondary. It seems to change each year with some trepidation, but the more I talk about this new plan, the more I think it is the wisest and most constructive idea yet. I'm considering moving back to Alberta - either to Calgary or to Edmonton - to engage in a different kind of provincial film business. There are many reasons why this, to me, would be the best place to be - but I think a move from Vancouver will be healthy. Thinking about it, there isn't much keeping me there - when I think of what I would leave behind, it would be very little. A few friends, a year-round gardening season, and an aquarium. No connections robust enough to lead to creative collaboration in the long term, no leads to jobs in my field. I guess my cure-all for this is just pick up and move to somewhere that is generally friendlier, less costly, and somewhere where I could separate myself from my University stint, start fresh - and jump into my career.

Even being out of Vancouver for a couple weeks has me in a weird zen state. It's quiet here. I can see the stars. I can walk everywhere. A lot more people walk around with smiles here. It's got a groove I understand.

I hope to someday refer to my years in Calgary as my 'gathering street cred years' - an experience/connection platform that will vault me back to Vancouver, maybe to Toronto, or fling me farther out. 

Something I've been ruminating on lately is the surprising polarity between people who are generally accepting in their lives, and those who are not. This, perhaps, in light of me trying to get out there and date a bit (which has been an extra smooth combination of awful and hilarious), and having interesting conversation with peers on the topic of relationships. Relationships are weird. That's pretty much all I've discerned about life from this whole experience.

A book I've been reading lately has gotten me thinking about the base 'goodness' of a human being. Freedom by Jonathan Franzen. It is a lengthy book encompassing the strange, passionate lives of a modern family who set out to be good - but by their own blindness, ignorance, shame, or greed, they find it is difficult to change, difficult to surpass the past. I don't often read fiction like this because I've never really understood it. But I think after this year in particular, I am starting to understand the nature of 'The Mistake' (whatever that means) and it's life-long effect on every person I will ever meet. New fiction gives me all sorts of things to mull around in my brain, this one perhaps a little more melancholic, but a good learn (and an interesting read) nonetheless.

I've got two very important mantras for this year coming up. I believe this final year of school will prove to be more emotionally than academically challenging, now that the game has changed.

1. Burn no bridges. (Even if you dislike those bridges - even if those bridges have no respect for you)

2. Be honest. Be kind.

It's going to be important to keep an even keel as things happen around me this fall. Essentially "keep your eye on the ball" has never been a more important sports philosophy for life in general.

Happy summer, all!

Things to look at:

Congratulations to all you SFU kids who made it into the Montreal Film Festival's student competition!

If there's one thing I enjoy in this world it's production photos - Edgar Wright has been featuring Shaun of the Dead ones recently and it is super great

This from BriTANick

Nautilus - a lovely little online publication exploring science, philosophy, and culture

A post sort of about digital cinematography

I know people have been talking about this a lot, especially in the last five years. I'm not going to say it's 'hotly debated' because it seems everyone has just lay down, and every now and again, a new camera or codec or system just comes along and rolls over everyone. I know it's probably all been said, but I feel as a cinematographer (instead of dressing for the job I want, I'm  just going to start describing myself with the job that I want) that will be entering into the industry just as film hits rock bottom, I'd like to just give my two cents, or maybe just sort of talk it out to the internet. Yeah, let's call this a 'talking at the internet to deal with my feels'.

I am quite aware that I have a lot to learn (and catch up on) regarding the advent and technology of digital cinematography, so I guess consider this a semi-ignorant, probably over-passionate rant.

It's Not Quite the Time

Short post today. Not much going on.

I'm going into my sixth and final year of university this September, and it feels bizarre. High school feels like only a couple of years ago, while at the same time it feels like ancient history. It's rather disorienting.

In the wake of my last five years in Vancouver, I think I've come to fear that the amount I have grown is negligible to the time I have spent in this city. Maybe I expected more of a noticeable change, being in University, living independently, working different jobs, being around different people, et cetera. I'm sure I've changed, just as sure as I've aged, but it's very difficult to see being in such close proximity to myself all of the time.

My life goal wasn't ever to 'be a film student'. But somehow in my post-secondary education, that's what its kind of feeling like. Like there's nothing beyond graduation, nothing beyond GPAs. I've had my head down for most of my University career, sort of staring at my film student feet. With a year left, it's really about time I stared to augment how I look at my role in the grand scheme of things. A year from now my career as a student will be quite over, and I hope things will be quite different. My stress levels await the day I can not care about what a stranger grades a final exam as in a class that has nothing to do with my major. I can dream.

This summer's off to a very slow start - having not landed a job immediately after the semester ended, I'm stranded in a weird limbo between employment in July and unsure of what to do on a day-to-day basis. I've been gardening (on days that it doesn't rain, which seem few and far between lately), sewing a bit, catching up on some reading. I saw Star Trek twice. But really, I don't have much to do. Sigh.

As things are gearing up to shoot my next short film in August, I feel the usual stress and pressure of a looming shoot date - but in a rather controlled and measured way. The game has changed a little in regards to my preparation and drive going into next year, and I feel that everything is slowly, but surely coming together. Every day I try and get something lined up or figured out. As much as I would have liked a producer or a production manager this time through, I think with all of the time on my hands now, I've got some time to do some creative, as well as bureaucratic planning. Getting all of my ducks in a row.

Sorry for the short, jumping-about post. My brain is everywhere!

Things to check out (a lot of things):

Female Voice in the Film Industry panel, coming up this Wednesday

Spaces and Reservations is up with it's own website and Tumblr

Will Romines is on Tumblr! With photography!

SFU film grad Paula McGlynn's lovely blog

I finally checked out the wonder that is Brain Scoop - it's a very, very cool series

This is Water by David Foster Wallace

The Feminist Anthropologist

Just in case you missed it - one of my favourite humans singing in space

A cool history of space-safe food from Tested