Moving Forward: Reflections on three years of film school (sort of)

Well, another screening has come and gone. Another year of university has done the same. Relieved and incredibly nervous that this time next year I'll be headed out of my post-secondary career and out into the deep end.

The SFU 3rd Year Screening: Free was two Thursdays ago, and it was tremendous - thank you to everyone who came out to see our films. 'A Spoonful of Sugar' was pleasantly received. It was great to show something in the theater again, I always forget what that rush is like. My classmates' films were absolutely top-notch, and I've got to say it's our best screening yet. I can't wait to see what everyone pulls off next year.

That end of semester stretch.

End of semesters are always tough. This year's got me in a nice time-bind, with two major creative project deadlines and a final exam in under 24 hours. The exams and papers are a little easier to make happen, but the creative endeavours are a little harder to work through on a fierce time frame. It doesn't do nice things to my brain. Alas. The semester's nearly done.

Vancouver's been treating us to some supreme-stellar weather these past two weeks, and my only regret is having to sit in front of a computer pretty much all the way until the 18th of April. Plans for the summer and the shoot in August are forming up slowly - pulling resources together, pulling a script together. I'm so excited to be shooting on the Arri SR-3, on a medley of stocks from Kodak and Fuji. I'll be picking up my Kodak stocks this week and starting to book gear at the same time. It feels like a lot to bring together in the next month or so, but with each step forward, I feel a little more sure that I will be successful in this endeavour. 

The garden sits outside and taunts me, most days. Still overgrown with last year's remnants, come April it'll all be dug up, soil supplemented, seeds started. I can't wait to get out into the sun and get a little work done with my hands.

This summer will yield very few surprises, it's straight shooting until August. I've got to do a great deal of saving/budgeting to make it through til post with my grad film (I can't wait until it has a title, so I can stop calling it 'my grad film'). I'm hoping to get a lot of reading done - I've got a stack of books on filmmaking, directing, cinematography and photography to work through. 

I'm really getting a kick out of an anthology of short stories I picked up at the library last semester. I read a quote by Truman Capote on writing posted somewhere on Tumblr and decided to try reading through some of his work. I have become completely enthralled by his writing style - very visceral - he describes things in such a way that you can, for an instant, feel them. One passage from House of Flowers, "Ottilie was used to boldly smiling at men; but now her smile was fragmentary, it clung to her lips like cake crumbs." It's absolutely fantastic. The stories range from the 1940s to the 1980s and are an absolute pleasure to read. I'm hoping to pick up some of his novels this summer. For those who appreciate an author who weaves their poetry in such a wonderful way so as you want to read them aloud, I recommend Capote.

I'm finally getting out to take some 35mm stills tonight. Lucky one of my classes gives me an excuse. I haven't had a chance to take my new Nikon FA out for a spin this year. It should garner some supreme results. I'm taking some 400 speed black and white out at sunset to see what I can capture.

I had fun rough draft-procrastinating by doing up my titles with ink and brush, scanning them, then putting them through colourizing and prism filters for a unique credit sequence I'm pretty excited for.

With the screening of A Spoonful of Sugar and the preproduction of my grad film commencing, it seems there's very little room in my brain for much else. Which I definitely don't mind.

Happy Easter everyone! Enjoy the sunshine, and happy editfest 2013.




Things to check out!

Our screening! Don't forget! SFU Woodwards on April 18th
I started a film work-specific Twitter account
Colonel Chris Hadfield's Tumblr 
A film hasn't punched me in the heart for a while, but this one did

Multiple-front pre-eminent disaster.

Well, now that I've rung in my twenty-second year on this planet - I've got to say, it feels like the past year has been this set-up to make this year one of change, opportunity, and brain-building. It sort of feels like I'm stepping off of a high wall into something uncertain, but good. But I have a feeling I've probably said something to that effect before. Who can say.

There's a deep foreboding hedgehog that's sitting in the pit of my stomach concerning this spring. Summer will be a time of busy-ness and celebration - but between now and then, I'm not so sure. It's either a bad bit of deja-vu or some new fangled thing, but something's not quite right. We'll cross that dubious bridge when we come to it.

I'm just beginning to cut my film for this semester. I'm battling through my dislike of the post-production process, syncing sound is slow - the assembly cut is slow. But it's all coming together. I've got some great, hand-drawn titling I'm doing - the film now officially being called "A Spoonful of Sugar" (thanks, Joel). After spending the most pretentious hour of my life surfing the 'typography' tag on Tumblr, I got some super ideas of lines, patterns and fonts to doodle around with. I'm looking forward to seeing the final product.

I set up a new set of challenges going into production for this film, and I think I'll come out the other side better for it (as we often do). I had a great little cast and crew working with me - and save the date: our screening is going to be on April 18th at the David Mowafaghian Cinema at Simon Fraser University Woodwards at Hastings and Abbot. It's free! And there's nothing better than filled seats to us filmmakers.

Now that we're into March, the preproduction process concerning my grad film is fumbling along. Having made the first half of my film stock purchase from Fujifilm, I now open my fridge every day to stare at six rolls in square cans patiently waiting for their time to come. My current trepidation is breaking my script back down to the essentials and building something that is worthy to be shot on the last little bit of super 16mm in manufacture. No pressure or anything, brain. I'm really hoping to externalize some very internal feelings with my last student short. It's something I'm dreadful at, but I think taking a step back and looking at how I tend to internalize things could help me create something wonderful and bold - an adventure in self-discovery through collaboration and filmmaking. (So exciting!)

I'm looking forward to building a crew and a plan to get everyone out to Alberta late August. As much as I don't enjoy pre-production, having it all come together on that first shoot day is just a fantastic feeling. I'm looking forward to the adventure. My most ambitious shoot to date.


I had a dream recently (yeah, I'm going to talk about my dreams), my first with having to do with a long-lasting, subconscious need to forgive. After reading Looking for Alaska by John Green, I had a weird mental suturing occur between feelings I had been having regarding the loss of a friend, and my reluctance to relinquish those feelings that stuck around after. I think about it often, and the dreams I have had regarding the loss have been numerous - but this one was different, it's not closure by any means - but perhaps something working towards it. It's refreshing to find a piece of fiction that affected me so thoughtfully and positively. And sometimes a revisit to young adult fiction is just what my heart needs.

On the other end of that story, I also recently had, what I'm going to call, my first 'rage' dream. From which I woke up thinking I had yelled all my issues with everything at everyone and it felt pretty good. My brain's sending signals.

I've got a very bizarre inkling to write again. Write novels. And I'm having a hard time separating it from the weird-things-I-do-when-I-procrastinate feeling or something very genuine and real. Who knows! We'll see what's left when summer settles.

Twenty-thirteen has already been moulded into a collection of cliché war-room abstractions: rising to the occasion; riding out there and meeting the challenge head on. A less neutral body has more enemies, but closer friends. To stir the pot... and so on.

I feel somewhat courageous, like I woke up one day and put my sassy pants on... and they haven't really come off.

Spring's on it's way. I know because my eyes are super itchy all the time. I can't wait to get out in the garden once this rain lets up. I can't wait for sunshine and heat and freckles.



Things you should probably check out:

I finally got to go to the Rain City Chronicles - hop on that train because it's great.
A reminder that The Featured Creature exists.
Never been to the Stormcrow? Go to there.
Check out this double feature at the Vancity theater this month!
Want a home page?
Shout out to a film project! Resonance by David Kelso and Russell Hirsch - they're shooting this fall!

The fungus among us.

February is sure going to be busy. Hopefully, a good kind of busy. Shooting films with different people in different places. Books to read, scripts to write.

I spent this past weekend out at Bowen helping shoot some pick ups for a grad film. I love traveling for shoots - it's all hard work, adventure, getting to know people better. There is really nothing like it. It's a life and travel experience all wrapped up into one; as most adventures are destined to be. We met a pub dwelling bull dog named Porsha. I also took an active field survey by photographing every fungus, lichen and slime mould species I could find in a swamp. I'm having an absurdly good time having a higher quality camera packaged with my cell phone.

I love Bowen and I love the Gulf Islands. This year I'm going to start collecting a super adventure package, which will consist of a bicycle, a tent and provisions for one-man travel. Next summer, I'd like to island hop. I wont have the money to travel internationally for some time, but the Gulf Islands will be short-term symptom relief for my wanderlust. A way to experience the west coast alone, and visit all of the tide pools for as long as I want. An entire day at Grandma's Beach catching baby rock fish? I do what I want. It's going to be wonderful.

I think I've mentioned before the apparent importance of introspection this year. Introspection is always on the backburner - but this year it's like I've lived enough that now I can see more of the expanse. I Can see patterns in people, patterns in myself. The fact that we're all behaviours wrapped up in mammal meat. For the past month I've been unbelievably distracted by thoughts of 'what ifs' and 'could bes', I've found it incredibly difficult to focus, especially so because January didn't have a whole lot going on. I've been wondering what causes me to pin more emotional value on one person than another. How a poor opinion of one person can travel so far. The dichotomy or subsequent unity between two people alone in a room. It's just a lot to be pent up in my brain, a lot of things that don't have simple answers. In order to have control, I need to learn and understand when to hold on or let go. Whether it be with people, projects, ideas... I think my brain has turned to stew.

Well, this week I shoot my short film for the semester. I'm looking forward to a simpler set, with a more complex set of motives as a director. I've been preparing as much as I can, but the true test will be on the day. Other than youths and friends, I haven't directed much. So here's to that learning curve. And it's all about keeping up with the curve.

2013 may be the year of the most giant mulling-things-over I've had yet.

Things you should check out:

Women in Film and Television Vancouver Film Fest! Their line up was just released, get in on that! Rumour has it there's a launch party on the 21st - anyone want to be my birthday date?

Continue to keep up with Canadian Framelines! They're traveling across Canada - maybe they're coming by your neighborhood?

If you're not already familiar - Scout Magazine! Filled with Vancouver awesomeness.

Lacking a date this valentines? Go on a blind date with a book.

Oh, and the Vancouver Aquarium now has wobbegongs.

Two times preproduction

I can't believe we're T minus nine days from February already.

This year has already become about focusing and finding out what I need to succeed, creating a perpetual motion machine out of passion and drive - accepting certain truths, and adapting to them. Being clear-headed, ultimately. Unraveling the rhetorical surrounding self-improvement.

It's funny how I'm rediscovering the excitement of finding like-souls. When I come home from the odd set or an event, it's like I could be coming home from elementary school and wanting to tell my mom about the new friend I made. But then I get to thinking how weird it is to not be telling my mom about that kind of stuff is. Growing up is weird. This weirdness is all combined with this influx of 'coming of age' literature and film I've been consuming. I've been reading through John Green's works, watching films like 'The Perks of a Wallflower', even my grad script sort of takes me back to when I was a kid. It's like I'm rediscovering my youth. Weird stuff. 

Burgeoning stress about my grad film has already culminated in nice nightmares about me not delegating, no one on set getting fed, being hours behind schedule, and somehow neglecting to do a shot list. Nothing like a production night terror to shake your senses at 3am on a Saturday. Mark Ruffalo was there saying, 'you know you're two hours behind schedule, right?'

I've made a lot of larger decisions about my grad film that are sourcing a large amount of anxiety/combo/excitement. I hope that I can utilize this semester to produce a near-to shooting script so that I can start wrapping my head around the logistics of a shoot that requires travel and casting in another province. I think I just need to track down some willing individual who can produce for me. But producing is a large, and often unwelcome job offering. I'm confident (sort of) that I can assemble enough of a crew who can commit to the travel and shoot time. Because I think it's going to be a pretty excellent adventure - and what's an adventure without a band of misfits to accompany you?

Finally nailing down a schedule this semester I can fill with reading and taking photos. My schedule is unpleasantly wide open. Now that other student shorts have started, some time has been filled with set work, which I am profoundly grateful for.

I am hoping this semester I can find more time to study directing and cinematography on paper. I am determined that the more subject matter I consume about film, the more I will be able to recall and discuss on a regular basis. For my spring semester project, I've tailored a script to challenge me in alternative ways - more updates on that as they come along. A mocumentary, one performer, imaginary friend spectacular! Though I'm finding it rather unpleasant to be writing and pre-producing two films at once. It's borderline horrific.

I eagerly await spring. When I can hack away at the garden for some stress relief and sun rays.

Hope everyone's January comes to a pleasant end.

Things to check the hell out:

The Birds of Paradise Project

Beasts of the Southern Wild, you should probably just watch it.

Raincity Chronicles - in leiu of January's show being sold out like... forever ago, I've bought tickets for their show in March. Would anyone like to join?

WIFTV Festival!

PuSH Festival

Twenty thirteen.

Happy New Years everyone! I hope the holidays have spoiled you all rotten - and were laden with family, friends and good food. And I hope, for everyone who made them, the new years resolutions are holding up!

The culmination of 2012 took place in Vancouver - my first new years in the city. As 2012 came to and end and 2013 began, the past year begged for some reflections. No large realizations, more... reaffirmations, I think - finding pathways to make myself a stronger, kinder individual - to succeed in what I put my mind to. Pretty standard Auld-Lang-Syne-type stuff.

Resolutions are a rather functional ideology - because they give us this conscious chance to see what we are, what we were and what we want to be. It doesn't necessarily change anything - it's just sort of an internal systems purge, dusting off foggy dreams and memories, maybe wiggling some things around. Sets everything straight again, if only for a little while.

Christmas was good - a long holiday this year, filled with dogs and gingerbread houses and mulled wine. I also got to work with the crew at Café Books over the holidays - which is always superbly prime. Snowshoeing with my folks was tons of fun - though we should have been out doing that more. I got to (finally) read my first John Green book, Looking for Alaska - (which was lovely, I wish I had read it a few years ago), re-read Tolkien's The Hobbit (which made me further rage about the film - which I have so many feels about I don't even know), and got into a volume of Greg Bear's short fiction (I also read a bunch of Kafka, but I don't want to talk about it).

My to-read list this year is monstrous, as is my to-see list. But I am a fan of lists, so this is probably okay. By September of this year, I am going to have two whole other short films shot, one completed, the other going into post. Really got to do that one chin up. Just the one (it's a process). Cooking more and baking more, that's going to be a combo of fun and tough I look forward to. And! Here's a large one - I've got to not wait around for things - there's my big new year's whatever. I can't wait around for occasions, people, miracles, opportunities. Waiting around is for chumps. Gotta go and get it - gotta go get that one chin up. Plus some other stuff.

Most of my education is over, and when it is, I'll be glad to be out. I've got barely a year and a half to make sure I know how to swim. Then it's out to sea with the lot of us.

The sea's a scary place, to be sure. But the second we stop fearing is the second we stop learning, creating and moving forward - and, to layer on the cheese, we stop living.

Life's all about the cheese.

All you poor souls going back to school this week (as one of you, I sympathize) - Have a good semester!

And thus ends my blog post filled with secrets in parenthesis.

Things to keep up with/check out/feast your eyes upon:

Keep up with Rheanna Toy's short film NINA, going into production sooon!

The Rain City Chronicles has a show coming up this month, and I really can't bail on it this time. Tickets are twelve bucks and it's at the Orpheum. There is no excuse to miss hanging out at the Orpheum.

I made a video, because I took my camera out for one day while I was on holidays, and I was going to do something with the footage (damn it).

Snowshoeing in the Bow Valley from Laurel K Brown on Vimeo.

I can see the end of the semester without putting on my glasses!

My brainstorming? All arrows.

It's so near! It's almost December!

This semester has been so creatively tumultuous. And I have learned many, many things about how I work, and how I need to work in order to focus the... blast radius? I don't really know what to call it. But yeah.

Screenwriting was really stressing me out this semester. It's since gotten much better, but for three months it was just dragging. I'd get things down on paper but they wouldn't be... useful, or complete thoughts or anything. I started reviewing books I read in middle and high school to dredge up some feelings/ideas for my grad film. I'm hoping it'll end up being a piece that is both nostalgic for me and an audience. But only time will tell, for that one. My idea of it's purpose seems to change a little bit, every day - so we'll just have to see. Well, today it changed a lot actually. And it felt pretty good. The script's on it's merry way again.

Editing my Fall semester film has been taxing. I've learned a lot going back and seeing what worked and what did not. The entire process, however, is proving quite a challenge. This week I'll be remedying some absent transitions with stop motion animation. I'm hoping it'll give the film more of a whimsical flare, and unite the scenes. I got some great feedback last week regarding my cut, and now it's happily bumbling along.

This semester's lessons have come about in interesting ways, and having mostly to do with what I enjoy doing in the production process, what I still need to learn, and what I simply have no skills in whatsoever. I don't very much enjoy screenwriting. I like writing novels, when I can use prose to weave anything I want. I find screenplays rather restrictive, I suppose, while not being that great at writing them at all. I really enjoy pre-visuals, storyboarding, picking colour pallets, I enjoy set work, being behind the camera. Editing is a task I will give a second chance to only if it's dealing with someone else's footage. Having to stare at mistakes I've made both as a director and a photographer over and over again are exhausting and infinitely frustrating.

In the 'I feel weird about humans' news department, I continue to be confused by most people. Respect is still a weird thing in my books. How it ebbs and flows, not only other people's reflections on myself, but my own judgements on others - and reasons why I make those judgements. It's hard not to endlessly stew over someone not wanting to spend time with you any more, or why they don't talk to you, or want to work with you. It's all very curious stuff. Most of which, I doubt will come clear in my life time. So, I'm going to see how stepping away from stewing about it feels, because it seems to be doing the trick.

I'm glad Vancouver has decided to throw us some nicer days in with the rain. With each year that passes, the rain becomes increasingly bothersome in it's capacity to just... make a not-quite-right day into a horrible one. Laundry day, not so bad. Laundry day when it's pouring rain out, the dickens. Had a lame day in class, forgets umbrella - hellish trip home. But those patches of sunshine have sure been sweet surprises!

I also got an iPhone a few weeks ago. Instagram ftw! I sort of hate it, but I sort of really love it. Want to be instagram buddies? I can definitely see myself just instagraming the business out of Christmas shenanigans this year. Just so you know.

The next ten days will be brimming with tiredness, finding frantic holds in the creative process, knuckling down and learning some science... etc. It's going to be very busy. Screenplays due, cut/sound mix/colour grade to be delivered, so much studying to do. But after my last exam next Sunday, it's Christmas potluck time - then briskly home the next day. It's going to be a fun one this year.

I'm really excited to go home (oh boy, that's in like... less than two weekss) for Christmas. It's going to be an extended holiday, which I am quite grateful for. I need some time away from Vancouver, it and I have had some good times, but really - we get on each other's nerves. I want to go see some animals other than dilapidated pigeons and hoardes of crows.

Things to Check Out -

OUR SCREENING! Thirteen third year student films! On December 6th, that's this coming Thursday. Like Facebook? Check out our event page! It's free, so what could possibly go wrong?

The His Dark Materials series by Philip Pullman. Specifically this edition. I've spent the last few weeks rereading this series and it's just magical and awesome.

Be sure to keep up with production on Rheanna Toy's short film NINA.

The Pacific Cinematheque is having an amazing set of Studio Ghibli films all throughout December! It's the only reason I'll be sad to leave for most of the month! They are absolutely magical films, and I urge you two check one or two or all of them out!

New Years Eve with CANADIAN FRAME(LINES)! I think I'll spend my first New Years in Vancouver with these fine folks! Not familiar with them? Check yourself before you wreck yourself!